Matthew and the Thousand-Year Door
by Local Minstrel
Summary: You may suppose that you have heard the tale, but pray take heed of my words and know that this I am about to tell you is a true account of the quest for the Crystal Stars and that legendary seal known as the Thousand-Year Door. You will learn of the heroics of a band of friends, the heinous plot of hostile invaders, and an ancient secret in an old town in this tale.
1. The Letter

**Part 1: A Rogue's Welcome**

Chapter 1: The Letter

Ahem, today, I'm going to tell you the story of the thousand-year door. Perhaps you have already heard the tale… or think you have. Indeed, the tale is an old one. But its details - namely those relating to the hero - are inaccurate. It has been said that it was Mario of the Mushroom Kingdom who received the magical map, gathered together a band of heroes, retrieved the artifacts known as the Crystal Stars, and rescued the fair Princess Peach from the clutches of a nefarious group known as the X-nauts, but that is not true. Rather, the hero was a youth from another land - an ordinary boy who, by extraordinary chance, found himself drawn into this adventure. An adventure that started with a letter…

…

Parakarry was the Mushroom Kingdom's most beloved mail carrier, and the post office was very proud of its most esteemed employee, for he had been a companion in one of Mario's many adventures to maintain peace within the kingdom. Certainly he exemplified the qualities that the post office prized most highly: courage, resilience, dedication, loyalty, tenacity, and dignity to name but a few.

There was, however, one quality he possessed that the post office overlooked - or rather turned a blind eye to - and that was clumsiness. A quality to note because it is what propelled this adventure, though ironically enough, when Parakarry came in to work that day, his boss, Old Parcell, began to stress most particularly to him that he had special deliveries to make today and cautioned him to be extra diligent.

"Lots of important letters today and we're counting on you to deliver them all with the high standards our office is known for."

"Of course, of course," Parakarry had said while hurriedly gathering his gear.

"Though we treat every letter with the highest regards and ensure it is delivered promptly and safely, these letters are particularly special and thus require special care."

"Uh uh, uh huh, yep," Parakarry had agreed, slinging the bag over his shoulder, grunting in surprise at how heavy it was.

"Remember Parakarry," Old Parcell had said, adopting his most authoritarian voice, "you are our most trusted carrier; you represent the best mail carrying service in the kingdom."

"Right, sir. I'll remember that, sir. Goodbye, sir!" and he had left, taking with him all the important deliveries, including our letter of interest.

That letter sat under two layers of envelopes close to the wall of the bag. When Parakarry reached into the bag and pulled out a letter he knew was addressed to a Sheek in Dry Dry Outpost, it rode upward on a swell of correspondence. The top layer, already precariously perched on top of the bag, started to slide off. Parakarry noticed and reacted quickly to catch them. The movement tipped his bag, bringing the lower layers of letters to the surface as they all attempted to abandon the vessel, but this dutiful post carrier stopped all of them. That is, all of them except for that one letter. It slipped unnoticed to the side of the mail parakoopa's hand and tumbled into the air.

Unnoticed by the Mushroom Kingdom's most beloved mail parakoopa, the letter found itself in the hands of the whimsical wind, an entity well known for the mischief it played on the unsuspecting. Catching the letter by its folds, the wind blew the envelope out like a paper balloon and in this way it carried it across the arid sands, swooping up and down and twisting around and around like a graceful albatoss. On this impromptu sightseeing tour, the envelope would become a little brittle and gritty, but not for long as the yellow sands became rocky mountains where the wind loved to play, gusting and whooshing around the crags and peaks. Carefree as the wind was, it seemed the letter would be dashed against the rocks with one careless slip yet somehow that letter escaped that fate and it was carried into the rolling green plains where the quaint little Mushroom Kingdom lay nestled in its folds.

Farther north it traveled where frost rode the currents. Made brittle by sand it was now made crisp by the cold, crystal patterns forming around its edges like beautiful calligraphy. Down below, a penguin spotted it in passing and followed its journey across the white skies until it was little more than a pale dot, a curious expression on his innocent face.

And now the wind carried this letter across a great sea, with its hands growing moist above the water. The crisp letter now grew crusty with salt, its fibers becoming bleached. From the blue waters below, bright red cheep cheeps leaped into the air and attempted to chomp the strange paper balloon out of the sky, but the mischievous wind always pulled it out of reach just before they could. And on the letter flew.

Then the winds shifted, turning toward a great landmass in the distance. The letter tumbled in the air as it was pushed faster and faster, as though the wind was eager to reach this land. Before long, it was tumbling over white beaches and then through green forests. Then it was great plains that witnessed this letter's journey of a thousand miles.

But the journey was coming to a close, the destination was approaching quickly. Within sight was the boy who would be drawn into this extraordinary adventure. He of course was unaware of fate approaching.

His name was Matthew.

Matthew was an ordinary boy. A fourteen-year-old who went to an ordinary school and did ordinary things. He was not extraordinary in any way - at least he never thought so. The only thing that might have distinguished him from everyone else was his glasses… and perhaps his vivid imagination. "His head's always in the clouds," his mother would say. "He tells such creative stories," his teachers would tell you. For you see, Matthew was a dreamer. He could do it most anywhere. But his favorite place was up in the oak tree that grew in his backyard, and this was where he was at this moment, just as he usually was. He had no way of knowing today would be different than all the other days - so much different.

For this was where the letter dropped. As Matthew gazed at the sky, dreaming of faraway places, that paper balloon letter fell from out of the blue and struck him right in the forehead.

"Ow!" Matthew exclaimed. That hurt! Felt like a branch walloped him. He rubbed the sore.

Then the sound of the letter plopping into his lap caught his attention. His eyes widened in surprise and he stared for a moment or two. Then his curiosity got the better of him and he picked it up.

"A letter," he said. "That's weird. Where'd it come from?" He looked up at the sky but it gave him no answer. So he turned back to the letter and studied it. From the looks of it, it had a rough journey. The envelope was brittle and torn in places, and the ink on the address was smeared in spots and faded in others.

Matthew gave the address a closer look. He could barely make out the first three letters on the top line, M-A-R.

"Maybe I can find out who it's for if I read the letter inside," Matthew said to himself. Then he thought, "But what if it's a private letter? It wouldn't be right for me to just read it." Then he had an idea. "I'll take it to the post office. Maybe they'll know who it's supposed to go to."

It was a good idea. He started to stand. Then something else plopped onto his lap. He looked down and got a second surprise: a folded piece of brown and heavy parchment, the sort of material that might be used for old treasure maps.

Matthew couldn't resist! He tried to stop himself; after all, it wasn't his, and what were the odds that a letter would have a treasure map in it? But he unfolded it anyway. And when it was open, he gasped.

It _was _a treasure map! All squiggle lines and arrows, reference points and legends, hangman trees and skull rocks! It even smelled like a treasure map, like mildew and salt. This wasn't something you came across every day! How could he pass up the opportunity to explore it? Yet somehow he managed to control himself enough to ask, "Who would send a treasure map in a letter? And for who?"

It was a perplexing conundrum. But it was only the beginning, for as Matthew was pondering this mystery, the map began to shine. The ink that the map was written with started to glow in an array of mesmerizing colors. Even as he watched, it grew brighter and brighter until it hurt too much to look at. Matthew closed his eyes. There was a rush of wind, a falling sensation… and then he heard the sound of waves lapping against the sides of a ship.


	2. Rogueport

**Chapter 2: Rogueport**

Waves lapping against the sides of a ship. The hum of a motor vibrating. The cries of seagulls circling above. These were all part of a bizarre dream that Matthew was having. A dream - it was the only thing that made sense; after all, he had never been on a boat before nor had he gone anywhere near the sea. The closest he had ever gotten to either of them was in front of the television, only this came with the added experiences of the ship floor vibrating beneath his back and the salty smell of seawater. Since a television couldn't do that, the only explanation was that this was a dream - or his parents had decided, while he was asleep, to surprise him with an ocean cruise just because.

"Excuse me… Sir?"

Nah, it was a dream. That wasn't his parents' voice. And they had never called him "sir" before except that one time when he had gotten in really big trouble.

"Please wake up, sir!"

Wake up? That was a strange thing to ask inside a dream. But then again this _was _a dream. Strange was normal here.

"We will be arriving at your destination shortly, sir!"

Matthew opened his eyes to find himself looking up into a brilliant blue sky dappled with marshmallow clouds. He sat up and then looked out to the port that was approaching. It looked rather ramshackle and as they got closer he could smell unpleasant things like fish, sweat, and a sharp odor that Matthew didn't dare name. Despite its appearance - and smell - it looked like a bustling town. And somehow it gave Matthew a tingling feeling in his stomach… a feeling of excitement. This shoddy, little port that smelled like dead fish held a promise for Matthew: the promise of adventure.

Said the captain as the boat pulled up to one of the docks, "Let me be the first to welcome you to Rogueport, sir." He added in an undertone, "And perhaps the last." He continued in a normal voice, "You are disembarking here, aren't you, sir?"

Matthew pondered the question. Was he disembarking here? After all, he was stepping out into completely unfamiliar territory - potentially dangerous. Who knew what was waiting for him out there? It might be safer to stay on the boat and go back…

Go back where? Back home? Where exactly was home? Could the boat take him back there? He imagined asking the captain this and then realized how ridiculous this sounded. How was he going to explain where his home was? A little white house on the bend of a dirt road? Five miles from the local supermarket? Maybe if he knew the longitude and latitude, but he didn't. He had never bothered. He had never thought that he would suddenly wind up on a mysterious boat taking him to a place called Rogueport, but here he was.

The captain spoke after the long silence, "I… imagine you are familiar with the sordid tales of this port?"

Well, no. Matthew had just found himself on this ship suddenly. But maybe he had been talking to someone who had _looked _like him… or maybe he had been talking to someone and Matthew had replaced him… or maybe the captain had been talking to no one, thinking he had been talking to someone, and it just so happened that Matthew had landed on his ship just in time for him to see that he might have actually been talking to someone… this was all so confusing. He shook his head.

The captain must have thought that was his response to his question for he said, "Dozed off then, did you? To summarize, the characters here are the shadiest you'll find anywhere and are sure to rob you blind the first chance they get. Very dangerous place. If you'd like, sir, I can take you back to the Mushroom Kingdom."

The Mushroom Kingdom? Wait, wasn't that… no, it couldn't be… could it?

"Sir?"

Matthew gazed at the rickety docks - the wood weakened by the salty water and the constant tread of sailors moving cargo back and forth - deep in thought. The map had to be magical, he knew that for certain. The way it had glowed proved it. And it brought him here - it brought him to Rogueport for a reason. He had to find out why.

He turned to the captain. "I'm getting off here. Thanks for the ride."

The captain shrugged. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

Matthew stepped onto the dock. The captain immediately flipped his vessel around, almost like the page of a book, and chugged back out to the open waters, leaving the boy to fend for himself in the roughest port on the sea.

Still, Matthew was optimistic. As he passed burly Bob-ombs, whose tattoos warned you just how tough they were, he waved to them and called out in greeting. Their only response was to give him the odd stare, but he paid them no mind. Today was going to be a good day, he could feel it.

Then he heard a cry for help. A high-pitched, terrified scream that raised the hairs on the back of his neck. Taking no time to think, he dodged around crates until he came out into the loading bay. There he discovered what the ruckus was about.

It was a young she-Goomba. She wore a pith helmet and a tan neckerchief, which must have made her an adventurer of some sort. An archeologist, probably. She was backing away with a look of terror on her face, only she was getting herself into a corner with no way out. Matthew quickly turned to what was scaring her and he did a double-take.

He didn't recognize the Goomba's harasser - a group of strange characters who were round in shape and dressed entirely in white suits with red crosses over their bodies. Their heads were tucked into their bodies like turtles with only giant goggles visible. They certainly looked unusual but they were not all that large - barely bigger than the Goomba. The only one who looked to be real trouble was the one Matthew took to be their leader. He was as tall as three of them standing on top of each other and as wide as two of them together. His suit was purple rather than white and he wore a red cape, which fluttered impressively in the breeze.

Seeing that she was cornered, he jabbed a thick finger at her and said in a thick voice that sounded like he had a cold, "End of the line, girly. Now there's two ways this can go. You can tell us what we want to know, or we can get real rough on ya. So what's it gonna be?"

The Goomba yelled at him, "Don't touch me, creep! I know tai kwon do! I'm warning you!"

"Buh. Buh huh huh!" her harasser laughed. "I know you probably can't count, so I'll make it easy for you. There's lots of us and only one of you. You're outnumbered and outsmarted. This is your last chance to surrender."

"Get stuffed!"

"Okay then, you asked for it," said the harasser. He turned to his squad. "Boys, get her!"

The squad charged forward and the Goomba screamed, no doubt thinking that her time had come. But then Matthew appeared, startling the Goomba dumb and stopping the squad in their tracks.

"Buh huh?" gasped their leader. He thrust his finger at Matthew, "Who are you?"

Matthew drew himself up to his full height. "You can call my name is Matthew. I'm going to have to ask you to get through me because I won't let you!"

These were the courageous words uttered by this rather ordinary boy. Truth be told, he hadn't been entirely prepared with his speech, so it was understandable that the strange character was scratching his head in bewilderment. The Goomba, too, gave him a slack-jawed look as she tried to work out his turn of phrase.

Matthew's words may not have made much sense, but eventually the leader of the squad got the gist for he said, "Look, pal, this is personal business between us and that little toadstool there. You sure you want to get in the way? 'Cause I promise you, you're going to get hurt."

Matthew put up his fists the way he had seen boxers do it in old cartoons and cried defiantly, "Bring it!"

The thug laughed. "Buh huh huh! All right, you asked for it!" Then he charged forward with a roar, "Raaaaagh!"

It was an intense battle lasting well over three seconds, but soon the victor threw his hands into the air triumphantly while Matthew tumbled across the docks, knocking over dock workers like bowling pins. He soon crashed into a crate, shattering it. White packing peanuts spilled over him while he was knocked on the head by giant, green pipes and a wooden mallet that someone had carelessly left on the crate.

"Buh huh huh! That's what you get for messing with Lord Crump!" The big brute flexed his arms. Then he turned back to the Goomba. "All right, now. Do we still need to get rough with you, or are you going to give us what we want?"

"I already told you, I can't help you! I don't have it, and I don't know where it is!"

The strange character named Lord Crump did not seem happy with this response. He stomped his foot and then said, "Well then, we'll just take you with us until you do know! Boys!"

The Goomba plastered herself against the corner of the stack of crates as the thugs closed in on her. She cast her eyes about, silently pleading with the workers to help her, but they simply ignored her as they hauled their cargo in and out of the port. The only person who had tried to help her had only wound up tossed aside like a sack of old potatoes. It was a dire situation for sure. There was no way out. Soon she would be taken away to who knows where and that would be it.

The thugs in white grabbed her. She screamed even though she knew it was pointless. No one was coming to her rescue.

But she was wrong about that, for suddenly the stranger who had been so unceremoniously brushed aside came charging back, swinging a large hammer and yelling a battle cry. The brute, Lord Crump, swiveled around with a confused, "Buh huh?" only to receive a solid "whump" to his belly. He doubled over with a howl of pain, causing his minions to release the Goomba and hurry to him.

"Are you all right, sir?" they asked, all reaching in to help him.

He angrily swatted them away, steam jetting out his ears. He yelled, "Why, that dirty Mowzer! He got me right in the gut! That lowdown piece of sodsniffer! I'll show him not to mess with Lord Crump!"

Meanwhile, Matthew turned to the Goomba and asked her, "Are you all right?"

She bobbed her head, her mouth agape. Then she gasped, "Look out!"

Matthew spun around and saw the big thug coming for him. He swung his hammer but it was too soon, and Lord Crump grabbed his wrist and lifted him into the air. He drew back his fist and yelled, "You're in for it now!"

"You leave him alone!" the Goomba yelled and headbutted him in the gut again. He doubled over with an "oof!"

One of his minions waved a finger at her. "Hey, that's two against one! You're not playing fair! Come on, guys! Let's get 'em!" Then, with a synchronized yell, they all leaped into the fray.

They became a blur of fists and boots, and a cacophony of grunts and yelps, and yet not one of the dock workers stepped in to put a stop to it. Teeth and scraps of cloth flew into the air, which someone grumbled he would have to clean up afterwards. Then a round character bounced across the pier and splashed into the bay, getting a Bob-omb wet.

Then the Goomba girl scurried out from the scuffle. She paused for a moment to give a sharp whistle and a hissed, "Hey! You coming?" A moment later, Matthew scrambled out of the fray on his hands and knees toward her.

She jerked her head inland, hissed, "Let's get out of here before those bozos realize we're gone! Come on!" and scurried out of there. Matthew clambered to his feet and hurried after her. Before any of the thugs realized it, the two of them were gone.


	3. Professor Frankly

Chapter 3: Professor Frankly

The town of Rogueport was a hustle and bustle place, which was the kindest thing that could be said about it. The denizens here - thieves, thugs, and con artists - hurried through the streets to secret destinations… streets thick with mud and sprinkled with litter and refuse. Crowding the streets were ramshackle buildings with flaking paint and holes of assorted sizes and shapes, crooked doors hanging on loose hinges, and windows caked with grime. Around the town square stood a hodgepodge of flimsy stalls selling snake oil goods while a decrepit gallows stood in its center, the hangman's rope swinging lethargically as it reminisced of better days.

One of the empty merchant's stalls here served as the hiding place for Matthew and his Goomba companion. They took the time to catch their breath. After a moment, the Goomba peeked out and said, "I think we lost them." She collapsed against the stall with a sigh of relief. Then she remarked with a glance at Matthew, "You kept the hammer, huh?"

Matthew glanced down at the hammer he gripped in his hand and gave a guilty start. "Oh yeah, I forgot I had it. Probably should return it…"

"Not right now, you shouldn't!" she hissed with a vigorous shake of her head, her ponytail thrashing back and forth like an angry cobrat. "Those goons might still be down there! You want them to catch you?"

Matthew flushed. "Right. I'll do it later then."

"But right now, we need to find a place to hide until those bozos are gone. Fortunately, I know someone who lives here. His name's Professor Frankly. We can hide out at his place until things settle."

Matthew waited for her to lead the way. After a moment, she said, "The only problem is I don't know exactly where he lives. I only just got here. I was here for five minutes when I got jumped by those freaks. Then you appeared and… well, I guess there's no way around it, you saved my life, so I guess I owe you one." She didn't look entirely pleased about this to Matthew's dismay.

"My name's Goombella, by the way," she continued. "I'm a student at the University of Goom, studying to be an archeologist."

_Called it, _thought Matthew, a little proud of himself.

"I'm doing a project for my final semester. Professor Frankly was my old professor, and since he lived here, I thought he could help me study the legends about this place. I guess I should have known what to expect in a place called Rogueport. Ugh!" Her face twisted in disgust. "I mean, I heard about the sort of things that go on here - stealing, mugging, extortions - but I never thought it would be this bad. Boy, was I wrong!" She huffed irritably. Then she turned to him. "So anyway, your name's Matthew, right? What are you doing here? I mean, it's obvious you aren't from around here by the clueless expression on your face - no offense - and the fact you don't know how to fight…"

_She sure likes to talk, _Matthew thought. He glanced over the counter of the stall and he gasped. Lord Crump and his squad had just appeared from the docks and they were looking around the square, looking for him and the Goomba. He hissed at her, "Hey, keep it down! They're looking for us!" and he pointed.

She groaned, "Great. What do we do now?"

"If we stay here, they'll find us," said Matthew. He got onto his hands and knees and said, "Stay down and follow me. Let's head into the alleys. Maybe we can lose them in there."

They started crawling toward the alleys, using the merchants' stalls as cover. Halfway there, they stumbled into a Doogan. He glanced up at the characters in white and then down at the two and said in a low voice, "In a spot of trouble, are ya? Owe 'em money or something? I could help you find a place to hide, but it'll cost ya."

"How much?" Matthew whispered, acutely aware that he didn't actually have anything.

From the corner of his mouth, the Doogan answered, "100 coins."

"What!" Goombella cried in a hoarse whisper. "100 coins?!"

"Or I could just holler and let those fellas know you're here," said the Doogan with a shrug. "What'll it be?"

Matthew clubbed him over the head. He went down with a flump, groaning. Goombella gaped at Matthew before she said, "Never would have guessed you had it in you."

"Thanks," he said before he suddenly wondered if it had been an actual compliment. He didn't bother to work it out. He jerked his head and said, "Come on. We need to keep moving."

Aside from the Doogan, they made it without incident. They ducked into a narrow alley, out of sight from the main square. But Matthew wanted to keep going. Avoiding eye contact with the shady characters that made their home in the shadows, the two of them weaved their way around, not entirely sure where they were trying to go.

Then Goombella startled Matthew with an, "Oh!"

He spun around in alarm. "What's wrong?"

She hopped up and down. "I think I found Professor Frankly's place! See? In the window, you can see piles of old, musty books! Who else would have that just sitting in the window?" and before Matthew had a chance to examine it, she ran to the door and pounded on it. Matthew didn't see how she did it.

Almost immediately, the door opened a crack and a hoarse voice whispered, "Princess Peach?"

Goombella responded indignantly, "Princess Peach? No, Professor. Don't you recognize me? I was your student, last year."

"My student, you say? Impossible. No decent person in their right mind would come all the way here just to visit me… would they? This is Rogueport, you understand."

"Yeah, we got that. Got a nice welcome from some friendly goons, who wanted to take me far away. We've only just escaped and we were hoping you could help us."

"Oh dear, dear, this is not good," muttered the voice behind the door. "First the Princess and now a student! Right then, you'd better come inside." The door opened wider to let them through.

The house inside was very small, made smaller still by the collection of books piled high against the walls, their titles ranging from _Ancient Civilizations of the Sands _to _Merlon: A Geneology _to _By the Skin of my Shell: the Adventures of Kolorado._

Behind them the door shut quietly. "I think we're safe though I'm a bit worried about Princess Peach. I was expecting her, so you'll forgive me if I was a little brusque," said a wizened old Goomba with tufts of curly, white hair protruding from either side of his head and wearing a pair of thick spectacles that enlarged his eyes dramatically. This must have been Professor Frankly.

Matthew piped up, "Wait, did you say, 'Princess Peach'? As in Princess Peach from the Mushroom Kingdom?"

The old Goomba frowned. "I'm sorry, what did you say your name was?"

"His name's Matthew," Goombella answered. "He kind of saved my life so now we're in this together. Hey, _you _met Princess Peach?"

"Uh, yes." Professor Frankly turned to the young Goomba. "Hang on a moment while I…" He bit his lip with his lower teeth, which were unusually square, as he looked her up and down. "Not Goombriella… or Elizagoom… definitely not Goomantha… aha!" He gave a small hop, looking pleased with himself. "Of course. Goombella! You were the one who wrote that article on Sky Land's Tower."

"Yes, you remembered!" She hopped excitedly. "I just found it so fascinating how that tower was built as a bridge between the ground and the sky and the cargo that was transported between them…"

"Ahem," Matthew cleared his throat to gain their attention. "Excuse me, Professor Frankly, but you mentioned Princess Peach? Is she in trouble?"

"Oh yes, I did mention her." His expression became somber. "We met at the post office. She was sending a package when I came in. Of course, I was surprised to see someone as important and fair as the Princess in such a shady place as Rogueport, so I asked her what she was doing, and she told me she had just sent a map to someone in the Mushroom Kingdom… let's see, what was his name…"

"Mario?" Goombella suggested.

"Yes, that's the name. She said she planned to wait for him and then they could explore the map together. I was concerned for her safety so I suggested she stayed with me while she waited. Then trouble showed up. Some brutes in white came up and said that she was going with them. She refused, of course, and then things got hairy. They tried to take her, but she clubbed them with her parasol while I did my best to help. We then hightailed it out of there and hid out here for a few days while we waited for her friend to show… only he didn't."

Goombella frowned. "Mario didn't… wait, that doesn't sound right. He wouldn't just not show up if Princess Peach was in trouble. Do you think maybe he didn't get that package she sent?"

"What was in the package?" Matthew asked, who had only been half listening.

Professor Frankly barked impatiently at him, "A map, my boy, a map! And I'd wager that was what those brutes in white were after. Anyways, when he didn't show after a few days, the Princess wanted to go to the post office to see if he sent a reply, but I told her it was too dangerous. She wouldn't listen though. Marched straight out to the post office and I haven't seen her since. I fear the worst."

"You mean, she might have been kidnapped?" Goombella said with a gasp.

Matthew was deep in thought. He had just remembered the map he had in his pocket. He also had a roughed-up letter. He pulled them out of his pocket and studied them. On the envelope were the faded letters M-A-R… the first three letters for "Mario"? He pulled out the letter and read the message. His face grew longer with every line.

"Maybe we should send another letter to Mario," Goombella suggested. "Then he can come and save the Princess like he always does."

"Does he?" said the professor. Apparently, this was news to him. "Well, if that's the case, then I don't see the harm in trying. But it will take several days for the letter to reach him and several days more to journey to Rogueport. I'm not certain how much time the Princess has. We don't know what's happened to her or even where she is!"

Matthew unfolded the map. A flash of light from the ink inside blinded him and alerted the two Goombas. With a gasp, they scurried next to him. Professor Frankly stammered, "M-m-my boy, what is that you have there?"

"The map Mario was supposed to get," Matthew answered, blinking away the spots from his eyes.

"Incredible!" The old Goomba snatched it from him and his eyes dashed across it. "This map! Why, I've heard legends, but never did I dream that the magical map actually existed!"

Goombella spoke up, "The magical map? What's that?"

Professor Frankly paced around the room with the map in front of him. "According to legends, this map leads you to the Crystal Stars, artifacts of potent power which have been scattered abroad and hidden."

Goombella hopped in excitement. "So _that's _what those freaks were after! I heard about the Crystal Stars but I didn't know they were magic. I was just asking around, and they must have heard me and thought I knew something."

"Yes, well, the Crystal Stars are certainly valuable prizes for someone looking to flash a bit of power, but there's more to them. According to legend, they are also keys that when brought together open the thousand-year door."

"The thousand-year door?" Matthew said, perking up. "What's that?"

Professor Frankly lowered the map to give him a piercing look. "An ancient door that is said to seal away a great mystery. Most believe it's a vast treasure hoard - mountains of gold, silver, and gems and even artifacts of even greater power than what the Crystal Stars contain."

Matthew breathed, "Wow." Then he said, "But what was Princess Peach doing with it? Where did she find it?"

"To World -1 if I knew, boy. I'm sure the Princess could tell us if she was here."

"Then we should find her," Matthew declared.

Both Goombas' mouths dropped open. Then Goombella cried, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, there, kiddo. Are you out of your mind? Those goons are probably still out there, and the last time you got in their way, they kind of pummeled you. Besides, we don't even know where to start looking!"

"The guys in white probably do," Matthew said. "We have what they want. We could probably convince them to trade Princess Peach for the map."

The old Goomba professor shook his head. "I don't think that's a smart idea. The Crystal Stars have _power_, remember. Who knows what sort of mischief those hooligans have in mind with those. We can't let them have the map."

"We don't have to give it to them," Matthew explained. "We'll just say we know where it is and we won't give it to them until they give back the Princess."

The group fell silent as Professor Frankly considered this idea. Then Goombella spoke up, "What if _we _had the Crystal Stars, though? Couldn't we use their power to force them to give back the Princess? Maybe use the Stars to wish her back? Can they do that?"

Professor Frankly hemmed and hawed on the idea before he spoke. "You may be on to something there. If you could collect all the Crystal Stars then it's plausible that we _could_ wish the Princess back. And because the Crystal Stars are all drawn to each other, we should have little trouble locating them."

"Then that's what we ought to do!" Goombella cried excitedly. "What do you think, Matthew? You up for a treasure hunt?"

Matthew hesitated for a second. "I think I'd feel better if I knew Princess Peach was okay."

"Believe me, son, we're just as worried as you are, but presently this is the best plan we've got," said Professor Frankly. He gave the map a shake to straighten it. "Now give me one moment to study this map so we know where to begin our search."

They gave him one moment and a few more. After taking almost a minute, the old Goomba professor announced, "It seems we must begin our search in the ancient ruins below Rogueport."

Goombella gasped with excitement. "You mean the sunken city that Rogueport was built on? Ooh, I've been dying to explore the ancient city! They're supposed to have all this technology that makes ours look primitive in comparison! And art that puts all the museums to shame! And it's said their architecture is some of the most breathtaking designs ever constructed in this world – some that took decades! Ooh, I'm getting goosebumps thinking about it! Hey, how do we get there, huh, Professor?"

"Just follow me," he answered, rolling up the map. "And please, whatever you do, _don't get separated!_"


	4. Curse in a Box

**Chapter 4: Curse in a Box**

Professor Frankly moved surprisingly quickly for a Goomba his age. Matthew and Goombella were hard pressed to keep up with him as the three of them weaved through the alleys. It was obvious that he knew his way around the dangerous town since they hardly encountered anyone on their way, the professor steering clear of suspicious characters loitering about. It made sense that he did to have survived here for this long.

They caught up to him when he paused just before the central square, twisting his head in both directions like Matthew had been taught when crossing a street. He hissed, "No sign of those brutes anywhere. Stay close to me," and then scurried out into the square. Matthew and Goombella hurried after him, and they all soon came to a stop at the base of the gallows. Matthew noticed the rope that made the noose was as stiff as a dirty sock.

"Goombartholomeau's Gallows!" Goombella whispered excitedly, standing on her toes for a closer look. "Back when this town was just starting, the constable would hang crooks from this rope and leave them there until just before the next felon would get hanged. He wasn't very popular and eventually he was hanged himself by the Soaring Crew, a gang who he had been chasing for a long time. He was left up there until eventually he withered away, and nobody's used it since."

Matthew suddenly felt squeamish about being so close to something so gruesome. He tried to imagine what it would feel like for the Goomba to be hung by his neck...

"Wait a minute," he murmured, his face twisting.

"Over here!" Professor Frankly called in a hoarse whisper from beneath the gallows. They stooped under the platform to the center where the professor was standing next to a green pipe. He gave them instructions to give each other two seconds before following and then jumped in and disappeared with a "glug glug glug." Two seconds later, Goombella jumped in, and two seconds after that Matthew plunged inside, coming out a few seconds later, skidding across stone, which scrubbed his skin quite effectively. On top of that, he seemed to have landed on a little pebble, which was digging into his behind painfully. He reached under himself to toss it away when, in feeling it, he discovered there was a definite shape to it – either that or the rock had been weathered strangely. He pulled it out and was surprised to see it was a key… a black one. He decided to keep it since it might come in handy later. Then at last he got to his feet and joined the others, who were already looking around the place they had come out to.

It turned out they were in the ruins of an ancient city, likely in the city square given how vast the space was. The air was moist and there was a steady echo of dripping water that played out a lonely symphony in the distance. Beneath a thick layer of dust and grit, they got glimpses of a pattern of tiles that may or may not have been a Koopa. A few columns reached in vain for the cavern ceiling high above while many of them had already collapsed on the ground in defeat. Cracked flagstone streets meandered confusedly between dilapidated stone buildings – only a few of which could proudly display their roofs intact. And behind the intrepid adventurers was an enormous palace with high arched windows, elaborate molding, and reliefs of figures with dignified expressions as though there was nothing nobler than to be weathered away by time.

Goombella trembled with excitement. Her voice came out breathlessly, "We're here! We're actually here in the fabled city beneath Rogueport! Omigosh, where do I even begin? The stories this place could tell us!"

Professor Frankly shook his head. "Please, Goombella, focus! We're looking for the Crystal Stars so we can rescue Princess Peach, remember?"

"Oh, yeah, right." She laughed sheepishly. "Got a little carried away."

"Quite all right," said the professor as he pulled out the map again. He studied it for a moment and then said, "All right. Follow me and stay close."

He led them across the square and down the steps leading to the flagstone paths. As they began to pass the fallen homes, Matthew thought he saw the glitter of eyes peeking out of the windows, which would vanish in a blur of shadow a moment later.

"There are a few characters that make their home here," Professor Frankly explained as though he had somehow sensed what Matthew was wondering. "Some are outlaws looking to make themselves scarce until the heat comes off of them, but not all. There is also a mysterious and rather strange family that lives here. They're known as the Merlons and they're rumored to be proficient in the art of portents."

"There are people living down here?" Goombella exclaimed in surprise. She sounded indignant. "Well, I hope they're respecting the history that's here! The knowledge that could be lost by some careless squatter who has no right being here! So help me, if I see that they've spray-painted the walls here, I'm going to bonk them _so _hard…!"

Interestingly, the glittering eyes vanished from the windows after that.

The path Professor Frankly took them on sloped downward between buildings. It was occasionally intermitted by steps that took them down each terrace. Then he veered to the right where they began to pass below bridges. Then they turned and followed the path directly beneath a bridge, which then took them through vault-like chambers. Matthew felt uneasy traveling through these. They were dark and dank – the sort of places where dead people would be resting.

"Are you sure you know where you're going?" he asked the professor.

"'Course I'm sure!" the professor snapped. "You think I can't read maps? Least of all magical ones?"

"He knows what he's doing," said Goombella confidently. "He's been doing this sort of stuff for years and years! Whatsamatter? You scared of the dark? Funny, I kinda figured you were too old for that. There's nothing to be scared of; nothing's been living down here for a long time."

But it wasn't too long before they discovered how wrong she was. They were crossing yet another vault-like chamber when Professor Frankly, who was studying the map as he led the way, smashed his face into a black sarcophagus.

"Gallopin' Gulpins!" he cursed as he picked himself up and shook his head. He straightened his glasses and picked up the map again (Matthew didn't see how he did this). Then he squinted at the box he had run into.

On closer inspection, it looked more like a trunk made of solid metal. It appeared to have been constructed for durability with all the bands and rivets it sported. A tiny keyhole served as final evidence to this conjecture. Professor Frankly paced around it, humming quizzically to himself.

Goombella bounced impatiently. "What is it, Professor?"

He came to a stop in front of it and peered into the keyhole. After a minute or two, he stepped back and said, "How very odd. I'd even say suspicious."

Matthew asked, "What do you mean?"

Said Professor Frankly, "It's not like any treasure chest I've ever seen before. The metal is of a type unfamiliar to me and quite sturdy. I ran into the thing, after all. This was obviously meant to keep anyone from getting into it."

Goombella hopped excitedly. "Ooh! It might be treasure! What do you think, Professor, can we open it? There's gotta be a way to get it open. Maybe a crowbar or something or…" she gasped and turned to Matthew, "your hammer! Maybe that can crack it open!"

Matthew patted the hammer on his belt and said, "I don't know. That metal looks pretty sturdy, and this is only wood."

"Which is just as well," said Professor Frankly. "I don't like the looks of this chest. It just reeks of dark and sinister things. It could very well be something undead in there."

"Oh, gross!" cried Goombella.

The professor nodded in agreement. "Right. Let's just move on, shall we?" He took a step forward.

The three of them jumped out of their skins when a voice spoke up, "Whoa, whoa, hey! Where are you going? I mean, you're not even going to give it a tiny peek?"

"Gallopin' Gulpins!" Professor Frankly gasped, his chest heaving.

Goombella was on the ground after that scare. She cried breathlessly, "Did that box just talk?"

The voice answered, "No, no, _I_ did. I'm _inside_ the box, and I'd like to get _outside _the box if you don't mind."

"How'd you get in there?" Matthew asked. His heart was still trying to jumpstart itself.

"It's a long story, and I'd be happy to tell you if you let me out. But hold on a minute, is that the voice of the hero I hear?"

There was a stunned silence for a moment. Then Goombella said incredulously, "Wait, are you talking about _Matthew_?"

The voice gave a gasp and then said in a voice that sounded on the verge of joyful tears, "Did you say, 'Matthew'? Oh, praise to the stars, he's come at last! The prophecy said you'd come!"

Matthew's curiosity was piqued. "The prophecy?"

Said the voice in the box:

"_When evil's shadow fills the skies_

_Fate in the hands of the hero lies_

_Know ye his name give hope to you_

_The youth he answers to one Matthew_

_To him give aid, and so you'll earn_

_From your prison, freed, in kind return."_

The three of them exchanged glances with each other. Matthew was a bit awestruck, but both Goombella and Professor Frankly had a look of skepticism on their faces.

"Surely, you were the hero spoken of to free me from this cursed tomb!" the voice continued in ecstasy. "Surely, you are the one who will find the key, black as a cutthroat's heart, and unlock this chest!"

A black key… like the one in his pocket! He _thought _it would come in handy later! But as he pulled it out, Professor Frankly spoke up, "I don't know. I've never heard any prophecy like that before, and, trust me, I know a considerable amount of the lore that exists about this city. I think I do remember something about black chests though what it is, I don't quite have it yet…"

"Well, we can't just leave him in there!" Matthew exclaimed, waving the key. "Who knows how long he's been in there, waiting for someone to free him!"

"Yeah," said Goombella suspiciously. She addressed the box, "Just how long have you been in there?"

"Oh, a thousand years or so," replied the voice. "And I've got serious cramps like you wouldn't believe! You gonna let me out anytime soon, oh, merciful and gallant hero?"

"Hang on." Matthew walked over to the box. "I'll have you out of there in a few moments." He inserted the key and gave it a twist.

The screech it made was horrendous – not the screech of a rusty lock but the howl of a soul being tortured excruciatingly. The three of them clapped hands over their ears – at least, Matthew did – and rolled on the ground in pain. Matthew rolled over to see the lid of the chest burst open from the force of a dark, inky geyser, which immediately filled the room. It was so dark that Matthew couldn't see anything beyond his own nose… until a pair of red eyes and a jagged mouth flashed in front of him.

"Whee hee hee hee!" it cackled in a shrill voice. "Way to go, chump! You just fell right into my trap like a Fighter Fly in a Pider's web! Whee hee hee! Now you'll pay the consequences!"

"What?! What do you mean 'consequences'?" Matthew cried. "I freed you from that box! You said you'd help me if I did!"

The face bobbed to the side indifferently. "Hey, it's not my fault you're so gullible. I mean, you honestly believed there was a prophecy saying you'd free me? Whee hee hee! Priceless! It was a pretty good one, though, wasn't it? I had a thousand years to think it up. I also thought of the punishment I'd give to the poor fool who'd free me, and guess what? You're that poor fool! And as a reward, I give you… A CURSE!"

There was a flash paired with a thunderous crack and then several more that sent spears of pain searing through his skull, sending him screaming to the ground.

"You think that's pain?" screeched the face. "Well, don't get too comfortable because it's nothing compared to the curse I just slapped on you. You like heights, chump? Well, thanks to this nifty curse, you'll get to experience it on a whole new level! For if you stand at the edge of a drop, you'll feel a compulsion to jump and you won't be able to resist!"

Matthew felt his gut twist – a precursor to the sensation he would have should he find himself next to a cliff. Already he could feel a sort of tug trying to pull him to one. He had to resist! He had to stay away!

The face cackled and continued, "And to make sure you get to enjoy it for as long as possible, you'll fall down slowly like a helpless leaf in the breeze! Whee hee hee! Enjoy your curse, you simple fool! Whee hee hee!"

There was a whoosh as the inky darkness rushed out of the chamber and then the face was gone. Matthew rolled over to see Goombella and Professor Frankly staring blankly at him. His arms were shaking.

Goombella broke the silence, "Well, yeesh! What was _his _problem, huh? You did something nice for the guy and he just goes and curses you! Honestly, who does that? If I ever meet that creep again I'm going to give him a good piece of my mind! Hey, you okay?"

Matthew shakily started to push himself upright. His voice came out in a whisper, "He cursed me…"

"Can't say that was entirely unexpected," said Professor Frankly, giving his glasses a polish, "seeing as this is Rogueport, a booby-trapped treasure box would be just the sort of thing you'd expect. Although, that curse is an unfortunate stroke of bad luck. A compulsion to leap off of edges? I would avoid high places if I were you."

"He cursed me!" Matthew wailed.

Goombella blurted, "Come on, Professor! Isn't there something we can do? Maybe there's a book for getting rid of curses, or some sort of lucky charm, or a badge or something!"

"Nothing, I'm afraid," he said, putting his glasses back on. Then he looked up as though he just spotted something. "Hmmm…" he murmured ponderously. "Actually, now that I think on it, there may be someone who can help you… you remember that Merlon family I mentioned? If we can find them, then maybe they can tell us how to reverse your curse."

The three of them jumped when they heard a voice, "Yes. Just as we knew you would seek us, the family of Merlon, we also knew you would need their help." Then Matthew let out a strangled gasp when a figure emerged from the shadow of the archway.


	5. The Thousand-Year Door

**Chapter 5: The Thousand-Year Door**

Matthew let out a strangled gasp when a figure emerged from the shadow of the archway.

It turned out to be a woman swathed in layers of light colored robes and wearing a peculiar mushroom-shaped cap, which hid much of her face. The only visible parts were a few locks of pale hair and a pair of dark eyes that twinkled mischievously.

She introduced herself, "I am Merluvlee, a fortune-teller of unrivaled skill and a star-crossed crush for all men who gaze upon my ravishing face, hence why I wear this veil." A portion of her robes where her arms were supposed to be lifted and gestured to her hidden face. Then she turned her gaze on the young man, who was entranced by how much sparkle was crammed into those liquid pools. "What a pleasure to meet you at last, Matthew; I've awaited your arrival ever since I saw your fate in the stars." Her voice was so sweet and thin like a slab of peanut brittle, yet Matthew couldn't help but be wary of her. After all, he had been suckered into a prophecy with his name in it before. _Fool me once_, he thought.

Goombella was equally suspicious. "A fortune-teller, huh? Way to show up _after _Matthew's been cursed. Now he has to jump off of cliffs when he's by them; if you'd just shown up before and warned us what would happen, then he wouldn't be cursed now, don't you think?"

"I had some urgent matters to attend to that were unavoidable, dear; otherwise, I _would _have arrived earlier to prevent this tragedy." Merluvlee's sweet tone was slightly strained. "Nonetheless, I can help you rid yourself of the curse."

Matthew's heart soared at the news. "Really? How?"

She raised her sleeve to signal that he should be patient. "I can tell you, but before I do that, we first need to agree on the price."

Matthew's heart sank. "Oh. Uh. How much?" He hoped the despair on his face wasn't too obvious. He didn't want to scare her off by revealing he didn't actually have any money.

The price was far steeper than he imagined. Merluvlee answered, "You have in your possession a magical map. Give that to me and I will tell you how to get rid of the curse."

"_What?!_" both Goombella and Professor Frankly exclaimed. Professor Frankly swung the map out of her reach. Matthew felt the same way though he was a little offended that the two of them seemed more concerned with the map than with him. He told the shawled woman, "I can't do that. We need it to find the Crystal Stars so that we can rescue Princess Peach."

"Matthew!" Goombella snapped crossly. "Don't tell her that! We've already got those goons in white looking for them! Do you want the whole of Rogueport chasing after us? If that happens, we can kiss our chances of finding her goodbye! And then what would we tell Mario? That you traded a map that could have saved her for a cure to your curse? So you'll jump off cliffs if you get near one. So what? Just stay away from them and it should be all right."

Matthew gave her a sour look. _Well, gee, thanks for your concern but I'll be fine. Don't worry about me. I can handle this. _Of course, the worst part of it was that she was right. It was a simple enough solution to the curse. After all, how often did one encounter a steep drop?

Merluvlee tossed her sleeve in a careless gesture, "Oh, I already knew about those, dear, so it doesn't matter if he tells me or not. And because you're going to ask: there's a chance that the combined might of all seven Crystal Stars can reverse this pall that's been thrust upon you, but the journey is a long and arduous one filled with incredible danger. It would be much simpler if you gave the map to me now and I tell you how to remove the curse."

Matthew shook his head. "Thanks, but I think I can handle it. We need to find Princess Peach."

Merluvlee huffed, seemingly in irritation. Then Professor Frankly cleared his throat and said, "Um, pardon me, but as wise and perceptive as you are, perhaps you can tell us where to find Princess Peach?"

"Well, of course I can!" snapped the medium, turning her bright eyes to the aging Goomba. "She's being held captive by the X-Nauts."

This news was met with cries of alarm. Goombella exclaimed, "You mean those guys in white? The ones being led by a big, dumb one, with X's across their chests, and dorky-looking goggles? Those are X-Nauts?"

"Well, it's a relief you're not completely dense," said the shawled woman crossly. "Yes, those are the ones who've kidnapped the Princess, and they're holding her in their stronghold somewhere far, far away. You've no chance of reaching it on your own."

"Couldn't you tell us where we can find it?" Matthew asked her.

"Certainly! …if you give me that map."

Matthew considered it. It seemed like a pretty good deal. He was only keeping the map because there was a chance it could lead him to Princess Peach, but if Merluvlee told him directly where she was, he wouldn't need it anymore, right?

Yet something made him hesitate. The map had come to him for a reason, he was sure. It had come to him and transported him here for a reason, which made it seem alive, in a way. You couldn't give away something living, could you? Not if it chose you? It would be like giving a little brother away. Or Goombella…

Now there was a thought: giving Goombella away. It was a good thing she couldn't read minds. He could just imagine how she would react.

Goombella raised an eyebrow at him. "What are you looking at me like that for?"

Matthew shook his head and responded quickly, "Nothing. I mean," he turned to Merluvlee, "I can't do it. I can't trade the map."

The medium shrugged in a dismissive gesture. "Eh. Have it your way, but let me give you one last piece of advice: if you ever find yourself looking over an edge, _use it to your advantage._"

Matthew's face twisted in surprise. "Wait, what?" but he didn't get an answer. The mysterious woman vanished with a swish of her robes.

The following silence pressed uncomfortably on them. It was Goombella, naturally, who broke free of it. "Well, okay, that totally made sense there. _Use them to your advantage. _What kind of advice is that? Is she saying you ought to _jump off_? What kind of kook tells you to do something stupid like that?"

"Are you all right, Matthew?" asked Professor Frankly. He continued without giving the bemused young man a chance to reply, "Sorry for being so inconsiderate. I shouldn't have pushed you to refuse her offer. But you must understand, this map could be the key to unlocking all the mysteries surrounding this town! Mysteries I've spent _years _trying to solve!"

Matthew shook his head. "It's all right, Professor. You didn't push me to do anything."

"Besides," Goombella interjected, "how could he give up a _magical _map? He'd have to be a complete idiot to give that away!"

Somehow, she made that sound like an insult to him.

The old professor cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Uh, yes, well… in any case, I'm pleased you decided to keep the map. It's still showing the way, so let us continue and see where it takes us, shall we?"

Matthew nodded. "Okay. But if we come across any more mysterious boxes that talk, we get away from it as fast as we can."

The professor nodded. "Agreed."

They moved deeper into the earth, the light getting dimmer and the temperature dropping, while a constant echo of dripping water grew louder. They didn't run into any more suspicious chests, but they did occasionally startle bruise-colored Goombas, who scurried into dark corners and growled at them.

Professor Frankly said to Matthew and Goombella in a low voice as they passed them, "Be careful around these Gloombas. They can get pretty nasty if they feel threatened."

"Well maybe if they got out and saw the sun every once in a while," Goombella muttered. Matthew worried that her voice carried to the nervous, little savages, but, to his relief, none of them came out to challenge them.

Then they were descending a crumbling stair. It was wide, yet despite this it felt constricted like they were traveling down the throat of a stony monster. The walls on either side were slick with moisture and algae, adding to this impression. They had been traveling for a while now and he was starting to worry that they were lost. He wanted to ask the old professor how much further it was but remembered how peevish Frankly had been the last time he had asked a question and he wasn't likely to know the answer to this one anyways, so he decided to just keep his mouth shut and hope it wasn't much further.

It wasn't. They heard the sound of rushing water bouncing up the stairs and soon they came out the bottom.

The first thing Matthew noticed was that the entire area was covered in water. A small square of stone rose just above the water level like a tiny deserted island. Out in the water were hundreds of pillars stretching high above them to support the ceiling.

Then Matthew noticed something that made him stop and stare. It wasn't the square building sitting on the water – it reminded Matthew of the rundown playhouse in his neighbor's yard except this one was made of gray stone and had no windows– but the door leading into it.

The door was huge, about three times taller than him. It was embellished with lots of flowing lines of gold except where the outlines of seven stars were visible. These were emphasized by other colors that seemed to pulse slowly – like blood through a giant circulatory system.

"So that's the thousand-year door," said Professor Frankly in a reverent whisper. He dropped the map and approached it with an air of kneeling before royalty.

Goombella, on the other hand, gave it a critical look and then remarked, "Huh. Not what I was expecting." In other words, she wasn't impressed.

Matthew suggested, "Maybe you'd like it more if it was all the color of sand, falling to pieces, and smelled like it hadn't been cleaned for decades?"

The archeology student shrugged. "Honestly, I thought it would be… bigger. But anyways, I guess we found it, which means the Crystal Stars are around here somewhere, right, Professor?"

"This seems to be the place," said the Professor, more to himself than to his student. He gestured with a bob of his head. "Let me see that map again."

Matthew picked it up and then yelled when it flared to life with bright light, nearly blinding him.

"The map!" the Professor exclaimed and scurried over to Matthew. He didn't make it. The map, with Matthew still holding on to it, lifted into the air, shining like a dazzling sun. It came to a stop about three feet in the air, hovering in front of the thousand-year door.

Then the flowing lines on the door glowed too and rushed faster. Matthew's mouth gaped as the map and door glowed together, the lines running around on both of them.

What happened next felt like a dream he had had once. He suddenly pitched forward toward the map, which seemed to grow until he was soaring over its illustrated rolling hills. It was like a cross between a hologram and an old-fashioned pen illustration. In the distance, he saw a castle with an onion-shaped crown on its center tower. He raced to the tower and soared inside the onion, coming face to face with a…

With a shuddering gasp, Matthew was suddenly back in front of the thousand-year door. Both the door and map had stopped glowing.

Goombella knocked him several times on the head like she was trying to wake him up. "Whoa, hey, what happened there, Matthew? You look like you've just seen a ghost! Of course, if I'd been holding on to that map and it just picked me up into the air like that, I'd probably be freaking out, too. I was down here and _I _was freaking out! What kind of a map…"

"What did you see?" hissed Professor Frankly, shaking him by the front of his shirt. "You saw something, didn't you? What did the map show you?"

"It was… a, uh… a castle," the young man stammered. He was shaking like he had just woken from a bad dream. And like a dream, the details were evaporating away quicker than he could explain them. "I was… flying… over a field. I…" He shook his head.

"Let me see the map," said the Professor as he snatched it out of Matthew's hands. After studying it for a moment, he exclaimed, "Aha! The location of the first Crystal Star has been revealed!"

"Really?" gasped Goombella, interrupting her own chatter about flashing lights and floating maps. "Where is it, Professor?"

"Well, if I remember correctly," said Professor Frankly excitedly, "northeast of Rogueport is a place called Petal Meadows, and the map here shows the Crystal Star is hidden somewhere there."

"Okay, great. How do we get there?"

"Normally, it would be a three-day trek through the Spotted Hills, but in my research, I came across several references to the Ancients' travel network – a series of pipes stretching from here to the four corners of the world as a means of getting around quickly, including to Petal Meadows. It was the Ancients who developed the travel pipe technology that we use today. In fact, that's where the expression came from: all pipes lead to…"

"So you're saying that somewhere around here is a pipe that will take us to Petal Meadows?" Matthew interrupted.

Professor Frankly bobbed his head in confirmation. "It's very likely. I don't know where that pipe is exactly, but I'm certain you'll find it. You have a magical map, after all. And besides that, you seem to have a very curious connection to that map." He gave Matthew an odd look.

He was about to ask the professor what he meant but then Goombella piped up, "Wait, Professor! Are you saying you're not coming with us?"

"Me?" The old Goomba's heavy eyebrows almost flew off his face. "I'm an old Goomba. I would only slow you down, and I've the feeling your quest is going to be dangerous. Besides, I'm sure you don't want me to talk your ears off the entire time."

"No, Goombella will do the job just fine," Matthew muttered.

Goombella wheeled around. "What'd you say?"

He jumped. "Nothing! Nothing."

"Well then!" said the professor brightly after a moment of awkward silence, "I should get back to my research. This is an enormous breakthrough and I can't wait another minute to add this to my notes. You go find those Crystal Stars and let's rescue Princess Peach!" He started to scurry away and then skidded to a stop.

"Wait a moment! I entirely forgot! You should take this with you." He scurried back to Matthew and Goombella and handed them a strange-looking device. "Here, take this. This is a Mailbox SP. Just before she disappeared, Princess Peach gave this to me to give to her friend, uh, Mario, when he arrived. Who knows, maybe you can use it to find her."

Matthew took the Mailbox SP bemusedly. Goombella remarked, "You couldn't have given this to us sooner?"

Professor Frankly harrumphed. "As I said before, I entirely forgot about it. I can't be bothered to remember every little detail! …especially if they don't pertain to archeology and history. Now if you don't have any more questions…" he gave Goombella a pointed glare, "I'll be off now. Good luck!" And with that, he scurried off to his research.

They watched him go until he vanished up the tunnel. A moment later, Goombella declared, "Well, isn't this exciting! We're going on a real life adventure! A treasure hunt, no less! And rescuing a damsel in distress! We get the whole package here! When I decided to become an archeologist, I had absolutely no idea I would actually be following a real treasure map to real treasure! I guess when I was small I dreamed of going on a treasure hunt, I mean, what kid doesn't? But now I'm actually going on one, and it's just… wow!"

Matthew couldn't have agreed more. His own spine was tingling with anticipation. This was a dream he'd had his whole life and now it was actually happening. He couldn't wait to get started. If only Goombella would stop talking long enough for him to figure out how to get to Petal Meadows on the map…

The map started to glow again though not as dramatically as the last few times. A golden serpentine arrow appeared, curling its way across the parchment, tracing a path through the illustrations of what was unmistakably the ruins. The map was showing the way.

"Come on," he said, interrupting the archeology student. "Follow me."

They made their way up the tunnel, back to the higher levels of the ruins. Goombella kept the stream of consciousness flowing as they walked, "That's another thing: how come the map responds to you, huh? One word from you and it lights up like a festival. I'm starting to think this magical map likes you. How did you get it anyways? Wasn't it supposed to go to Mario? What, were you snooping through his mail, huh? Because that's illegal, you know. Which means…" she gasped, "I'm an accomplice to a felon! Which actually sounds pretty cool now that I think of it. It's just my luck that this 'felon' is a mail stealer. I could have gotten stuck with a murderer or something, but no, I'm associated with someone who steals mail, and if we get caught then I go to jail because I'm traveling with a _mail _stealer…"

Matthew was sorely tempted to shove her back down the stairs.

They were soon back in the catacombs, wending their way from one chamber to the other, turning left, right, forward, then right again. Matthew was glad he had the map to show the way. He would have gotten them lost on the first turn otherwise. Before they knew it (but too long after Goombella had given him the entire evolutionary history of Munchers) they reached the surface of the ruins. From here, the map led them eastward through the streets. Eyes appeared in the windows of the dilapidated buildings only to vanish a moment later. They seemed to remember Goombella and her earlier threat to vandals.

Then, quite abruptly, they reached a channel. The water flowed swiftly here. There appeared to be several bridges stationed at intervals though almost all of them had crumbled. They stood in front of the only intact bridge, thanks to the map, except there was a problem. There was something on the bridge.

It emerged from the water and draped over it like a giant, sodden sock but smelling worse. Its slimy, white surface was mottled with pale blue spots, making Matthew think of bleu cheese, yet there was no mistaking what this thing was.

Goombella hissed, "Are you sure you want to go that way? That's the tentacle of a giant Blooper on the bridge!"

Matthew checked the map and then looked down and up the river. Then he said, "This is the way the map is telling us to go, and I don't see any other bridge we can cross. We'll just have to be very careful. It's probably asleep, so don't wake it up."

Goombella rolled her eyes. "Yeah, well, _ob_viously!"

Matthew didn't appreciate her tone, but with the giant Blooper so close, he didn't want to risk getting into a fight with the sassy Goomba. Instead, he folded the map and then led the way on tiptoe. He paused in front of the tentacle and carefully lifted his leg over it. It was quite big, so the young man had to stretch his leg out to keep from touching it, and he was admittedly not the most flexible person in the world. Somehow, though, he managed to get over it without touching it and waking the Blooper. He then turned and reached out his arms, silently offering to help Goombella over.

She shot him a rather dirty look. "Excuse me? I'm perfectly capable of getting over by myself, thank you very much! If you just move out of the way then I can jump over."

Raising his hands in a gesture of surrender, Matthew stepped back to give her room. He was impressed to the point of astonishment when she sprang right over the tentacle like a squat grasshopper in a ponytail. He wordlessly turned to follow her to the other end of the bridge, only to find another tentacle blocking the way. Goombella sprang over this one too and then gestured impatiently for Matthew to hurry. He found this one to be more difficult since it seemed to be a little higher than the last. He managed to get over it but it felt like he had pulled a muscle and he had to rest and try not to groan out loud.

Unfortunately, there was a third one. Goombella got over it just fine, of course, but Matthew decided to hop over it like his partner did. That was his mistake. When he landed, he slipped on a puddle that had formed around the tentacle and crashed backward onto it. The tentacle cushioned his fall – it was like a cold, slimy sausage – but immediately afterward it shuddered and the water around the bridge bubbled.

Goombella hopped up and down in agitation as she hissed, "Great! You've woken the Blooper! Hurry and let's get out of here!"

Matthew obediently scrambled to his feet and they took off at a sprint. Matthew caught a glimpse of the Blooper exploding out of the water to his left but he didn't stop to look. Instead, he kept his attention firmly fixed on the other side of the river where there was a pavilion sheltering a green transport pipe. If they could just reach it…

A tentacle burst from the water and slapped itself in front of them, blocking the way. A second tentacle slapped onto the bridge behind them and then the Blooper whom the tentacles belonged to rose into view in front of them.

Goombella squeaked, "That is one big Blooper!"

Matthew gripped his hammer with white-knuckled fists.

The Blooper loomed over them, staring at them with eyes the size of dinner plates. And then it gurgled, "Bloo bloo bloop!"

Maybe it was all the blood flushing from his head but Matthew had the distinct impression the Blooper had just asked, "Who goes there?"

It was only natural he answered, "M-m-my name is M-M-Matthew, and this is Goom… Goombella."

"Sure, yeah, like it cares who we are!" Goombella screeched, her voice cracking with fear. "How about you tell it: we go good with shroom steak, dipped in inky sauce, and chased down with a fruit parfait?"

"It'll get the wrong idea," was his answer.

The Blooper glared at them. "Bluh bloo bloo bloop! Bloo bloop!"

"We're sorry. We didn't mean to wake you!" Matthew tried to explain.

But the Blooper wouldn't hear of it. "Bloop bloop bloo bloo. Bloo bloo bloo BLOOP!" It raised another tentacle high, with the clear intention of slapping them like a pair of fighter flies. Faced with such a grim and rather humiliating demise, Goombella did something desperate. She launched herself into the Blooper's eye.

The Blooper responded with a gurgly howl, clapping its tentacles over its offending eye. "Come on!" she yelled when she landed, and the two of them burst into a run toward the end of the bridge. Matthew pointed to the pavilion and yelled, "Head for that pipe!"

"Do you know where it goes?"

"It's where we need to go to find the Crystal Star… I think!"

"_You think?!" _Goombella screeched, but there wasn't time to doubt him. The Blooper, its good eye focused on the two troublemakers while it nursed its swollen eye, was swimming after them, reaching its long tentacles out to catch them. So, reaching the pipe, she dived right inside. Matthew followed right behind her, barely escaping the grasp of the Blooper's tentacle by a hair's breadth when it swooped for his leg.


	6. Petalburg

**Part II: Castle and Dragon**

Chapter 6: Petalburg

When they popped out of the pipe, Matthew wondered if they had come back out into the ruins. He thought he could see the faint outlines of pillars surrounding them, but only just. Light was almost nonexistent. He experimentally waved a hand in front of his face.

He heard Goombella shuffle in front of him and then she said, "Good grief, it's dark here! Good thing I'm an archaeology student, huh? All good archaeology students keep this on their person at all times, and since I'm a good archaeology student…" There was a click and then a beam of light cut through the dark. It came from the flashlight on her helmet.

Matthew blinked the light out of his eyes where she was shining it. He asked, "Where are we, anyways?"

Goombella turned, shining her flashlight around. What Matthew had thought were pillars turned out to be willow-thin struts propping up a large dome that shielded the travel pipe from the weather. Beyond the struts was a field of green grass, which meant they were now aboveground.

"I think we're in Petal Meadows," she finally concluded. She glanced up. "And it's night."

_Thanks for that, Captain Obvious, _Matthew thought, feeling she deserved the slight. He couldn't bring himself to say it out loud though, so instead he said, "Hey, come here. I need your light to see where this map wants us to go."

But when she did come over, they both discovered something perplexing. There was no Crystal Star visible on the map anywhere. No signs pointing the way, either. The details of the place were meticulous but there was no clue as to which of the many sites actually held the mystical artifact they were searching for.

"What did you do to it?" Goombella demanded, snatching it out of his hands and tipping it as though it would make more sense sideways.

"I didn't do anything!" Matthew retorted, trying to take it back from her, but she scooted out of his reach.

"Well, _ob_viously you did because it's not working anymore and _you _were the last one who had it!"

"You don't even know how it works!" Matthew blurted indignantly. "For all we know, it could have run out of juice and just needs to charge back up using a Crystal Star or the thousand-year door."

"We were just there! You must have used it all up getting…"

They were interrupted by a roar that split the sky like thunder. Matthew got the wind knocked out of him when Goombella leaped into his arms and then whispered hoarsely, "What was that?"

Matthew couldn't tell. His heart was beating too loudly. No, wait, that wasn't his heart beating. That was the beating of giant leathery wings and a strong downdraft whooshing into the pavilion. Something was flying overhead… something enormous!

"Quiet!" he hissed, clamping his hand over her mouth. She was too terrified to object.

They waited in tense silence. To his relief, it sounded as though the monster was flying on, the wind settling and the flapping sound starting to fade. Then his heart skipped a beat when he heard the monster speak, "Huh? What is this? Something shiny to put in my collection?" Then there was a high-pitched whoosh like a missile falling from the sky and then, in front of the two adventurers, something that didn't look too far off from an entire mountain crashed to the ground, causing the whole area to quake and sending Matthew and Goombella to the floor.

"Huh?" the monster growled. "Now where'd it go?"

Matthew's heart leaped right into his arm and sent it at Goombella's light to smother it. The monster must have seen it as she was shining it out of the pavilion and had come to investigate. He saw the monster twist to look over its shoulder and his heart leaped into his head, pounding on his eyes until all he could see was red, probably hoping that if he couldn't see it then it couldn't see him. He knew this wasn't true at all and was rather annoyed with his heart for being so silly.

Since he couldn't see past the red veil over his eyes, he couldn't tell if the monster could see the two of them or not. Lucky for him and his companion, the monster _couldn't _see them; at least, not that well. All it really saw was the unmistakable shape of a travel pipe and a few shapeless lumps piled against it – rocks, it decided. With a disappointed huff, which sent out a cloud of orange fire that briefly illuminated the area - momentarily exposing Matthew and Goombella for the rocks they were not – the monster leaped into the sky with a mighty flap of its leathery wings. Eventually the sound faded and all they heard was the nonchalant breeze chuckling smugly around the pavilion struts.

It was a long while before they dared to move again. It was far too soon when Goombella began hissing like a Fwoosh, "Do you know what that was, Matthew?"

Matthew opened his mouth to offer his postulation, but Goombella answered before he could, "That was a dragon! A real dragon! And we were almost its midnight snack! That was super close! Boy, I hope we never run into it again! Do you know what dragons do to Goombas? They gulp them down whole! Like grapes! Except Goombas are smarter. You probably don't believe me, but Goombas are the leading pioneers in the field of academia. Really! There was Goompert the Inquisitive; then there was Hogoombarth, the one who discovered the cure to the Purple Spot Disease; and Goombella wrote about seven properties of fire flowers. I was named after her, you know. Oh, I almost forgot about Goombexander…"

"We need to get out of here," Matthew interrupted. He picked up the magical map that had dropped during the terrifying episode with the dragon and gave it a shake to clear off dirt. "Come here, Goombella. Let's see if we can find a town or something to stay the night."

They found it after a moment of study. East of Petal Waypoint, as the map called the pavilion where they stood, was a town labeled Petalburg. It looked to be pretty close though Matthew did have a thought or two about how the real thing scaled to the map.

Ten minutes to every decimeter, he decided after a twenty-minute journey. He figured this thanks to Goombella, who had talked a mile a minute ("…the Ancients based their entire lives on the position and movement on the stars, from when to eat, to when a new baby would be born, to what dress they should wear…"). About five words per second was equal to three hundred words per minute, which made it six thousand words during the entire trip. Admittedly, he hadn't been keeping close track of the amount of words she used. He was just relieved when he spotted a single prick of light embedded in the black outline of a watchtower crouching defensively before the walls of what must have been Petalburg.

"Land ho," he said, pointing. He didn't put too much spirit into it, knowing Goombella was sure to scorn him for being so corny.

He wasn't disappointed. She huffed in exasperation. "Okay, first of all, that's what sailors say. You know, when they've been out at _sea_? In the water?"

"Let's ask the captain for permission to come aboard," Matthew responded, just to annoy her.

They moved closer. Then they were startled when a bell rang and the sentry bellowed, "It's eight o' clock and all's well!"

Goombella was red in the face. "Geesh!" she huffed. "Did he have to scare us like that? I thought we were being attacked or something!"

Within moments of saying this, they were. Before they realized what was happening, they were surrounded by Koopas armed with spears. The spears looked a lot bigger here than they did on TV, Matthew realized, and he threw up his hands in surrender.

"Who goes there?" barked a voice from a Koopa who was holding a torch instead of a spear. "State your business!"

Matthew gulped and then answered, "I-I'm Matthew. I-I'm a student at Whitford Junior High. And this is Goom-Goombella, an archeologist."

"Hi," Goombella offered.

"What are you doing in Petalburg?" asked the voice. "Where'd you come from?"

"Well, uh…" Matthew considered this question, not quite sure where to start.

"It's a bit of a long story," Goombella explained helpfully. "We're just doing some research here. Say, what's with the friendly greeting, anyhow? Do you do this to everyone who comes to Petalburg?"

"Oh, uh, sorry." The torch-wielding Koopa chuckled weakly while the rest lowered their spears. "We don't get many visitors all the way out here in Petalburg. Not since Hooktail's made his nest here ten years ago. And now that I think about it, you're not really Hooktail, are you?"

"That's why we have guards on the watchtower," said a second voice. "To make sure that dragon doesn't catch us off guard when he gets hungry for a midnight snack."

Goombella made a gesture that looked like a shrug and said, "Guess I can't blame you. I'd hate to have my beauty rest disturbed by a dragon invasion in the middle of the night. You probably have work the next day, huh? You can't stay up all night to make sure some hungry fire-breathing monster doesn't come knocking on your door. Hey, do you have just one guard who does all the night guarding or do you take it in shifts? It makes more sense to me to have someone do it in shifts. Sometimes I do some late night work though it's not something I want to do every day; I mean, after all, I'm not _that _much of a Boo…"

"Do you know a place where we can spend the night?" Matthew asked the guards. He was dangerously close to nodding off.

"Well, you'd best ask the mayor about that," the first answered. "He's the one who makes decisions around here. We can take you to him if you'd like."

"The sooner the better," Matthew responded, shaking himself to stay awake.

The group led them inside Petalburg. By the light of the torch, they could see the windows were all shuttered completely. If the lights were turned on inside, it wasn't getting out. It was like a cluster of bunkers made to keep anything from getting in. But aside from this, the houses looked very ordinary, the kind you'd see in any picturesque neighborhood – some painted white, others painted blue or green, and even one that was painted pink.

It was here that their escort led them, shepherding them right up to the door. The lead Koopa gave it a resounding knock intended to wake, not just the mayor, but all of Petalburg. It did the job well. It wasn't too long before they heard a voice behind the door muttering loudly, "…waking me up at the unholiest of hours to report a butterfly's just gone past… oh, confound it, where'd I put my good shell? …I'm getting too old for this…" and then the door opened.

"Mr. Mayor, sir," said the lead watchKoopa with a salute. "Sorry for disturbing you. We just found some, er, visitors who'd like to spend the night here."

The mayor turned out to be a very old Koopa with eyebrows so hairy they draped over his eyes like bearskin rugs. His skin was so wrinkled it looked like a rumpled suit that had been soaked and then tumbled in the dryer for a few days and yet had not shrunk enough to fit his thin frame. He leaned on a cane that was only half as gnarled as he was.

His voice came out thin and wavering, "Eh? Spirits, you say? As if we didn't have enough to worry about with that accursed dragon flying about."

The watchKoopa cleared his throat. "Er, no, sir. _Visitors_. From out of town. They want to spend the night."

"Visitors picking a fight?" he said, scrunching his brows together threateningly. "Well, I'll have to warn them: I may look old but I can still deliver a mean hook." He put up his fists and bounced on his feet.

Goombella shook her head as though she had been struck. "Whoa! Deja vu."

"No, no, sir!" The head watchKoopa raised his voice and spoke more slowly, "They… want… to… spend… the… night!_"_

"Well, then, why didn't you just say so," snapped the old Koopa, "instead of wasting our time yammering nonsense? No sense in being up in the middle of the night if you don't have to! Just take 'em to Em T.'s inn." Then he shook his head. "On second thought, I'll do it. Seeing as you can't decide to pick your nose without my say-so." He hobbled past Matthew and Goombella, who couldn't help but stare at the strange, old Koopa. Realizing they weren't following him, he turned and yipped, "You coming?"

Goombella leaned toward Matthew and whispered out of the corner of her mouth, "He's a few spots short of a mushroom, isn't he?" Matthew shrugged and came up behind the mayor. Shaking her head with a woeful expression, she followed behind Matthew.

They didn't get very far when the mayor halted. Matthew skidded to a stop and Goombella ran into him with an "oof!" The mayor turned around. "What did you say your names were again?"

Matthew didn't remember giving him their names. He didn't mention this though. Instead, he answered, "I'm Matthew, and this is Goombella." He gestured to his companion behind him.

The mayor nodded. "Is that so? Pleased to meet you, Murphy and Delilah." Before Matthew could correct him, he turned around and began walking again. "It's a right shame you two had to come at a time of such crisis. We used to be a very peaceful place right up until that dragon, Hooktail, showed up some fifteen years or so. Now he's gone scared off all our tourists and made trading dangerous… not to mention expensive. Fifty coins for Koopa Tea!"

Goombella asked, "Why do you stick around then? Just move away and you won't have worry about him anymore."

"Of course we've tried to get rid of him!" snapped the mayor crossly. "But every time we send someone up there, he doesn't come back, and we're running fresh out of heroes!"

"That's not what I..." She heaved a sigh of exasperation. "Never mind."

The mayor suddenly stopped and spun around to face them. "Hold on. Did I just hear you correctly? You want to give it a try?"

Matthew took a step back as Goombella hopped in agitation. "No! I didn't say that at all!"

Matthew had the feeling the mayor wasn't even trying to listen to them anymore because he said, "Well, I'll be a Gulpin's uncle! You strangers are serious about this, aren't you? Taking on old Hooktail and saving this town. Well, I'm obliged to ask you if you know the risks you're taking in accepting this task." His eyebrows rose as he waited for their answer.

"We're not fighting a dragon!" Goombella yelled. "NOT... FIGHTING... THE... DRAGON!"

The mayor shrugged. "Okay, okay. I know you're not stupid. It's just part of protocol, you understand. I can't be legally responsible for any reckless decisions you make within my town, even if it's fighting the dragon."

"Well, don't worry because we're _not_," Goombella said with emphasis.

"Well, my dear," said the mayor, patting her on the head affectionately, "I'm mighty proud to have met such a brave lass like you. But I must insist you wait until morning. Follow me, and I'll see that Em T. gives you the proper treatment." He turned and led the way with such a vigorous spring in his step it was almost as though they had already defeated the dragon. Goombella noticed the swagger and she muttered darkly about senile coots foisting dangerous tasks on total strangers. Matthew had the feeling her mood would only get darker.

They soon reached Em T.'s inn, which was small but clean, and the proprietor, a cheery female Toad, had a warm smile, despite the fact they had woken her up in the middle of the night. Her smile became absolutely radiant when the mayor told her, "These folks have got it in their heads to take down old Hooktail. Be sure to give them the royal treatment, if you would, dear."

"Why, certainly!" she exclaimed enthusiastically. "The executive suites are this way!"

It was a bit of an exaggeration for a couple of dorm rooms, but Matthew's bed was comfortable. He didn't fall asleep right away, but lay in bed, staring at the ceiling and contemplating his adventure so far and what the next day would bring. Goombella had insisted they weren't here to fight a dragon. There were plenty of ruins to search, she said, meaning the odds of the Crystal Star being hidden in one of them was fairly high. Yet Matthew had the feeling the dragon was an important part of their quest for the Crystal Stars. It was a vague but insistent feeling - almost like a memory...

...

He didn't realize he had fallen asleep until he woke up the next day to the sound of the door opening, and Em T. entered his room with a tray practically spilling with breakfast.

"Good morning!" she said brightly, plopping the tray right onto his lap, which was surprisingly hot. She pranced to his side. "I made you a big breakfast so you can build your strength before you go fight that nasty Hooktail!"

"Oh," said Matthew, adjusting the tray so that it didn't burn his legs. He put his glasses on and peered at the food. "Thanks."

"No trouble at all! Your friend is already finished with hers. She told me to tell you to meet her at the library."

She gave him the directions there. He thanked her, and she curtsied and then pranced out of the room, her face glowing with joy.

Once he finished breakfast (which was actually very good), he stepped outside to find the library, but found instead a crowd of Koopas gathered outside. They cheered upon seeing him and began gossiping in loud whispers to each other.

"There he is!"

"He's going to slay the dragon for us!"

"Seems kind of scrawny, though."

"Nah, that's lean muscle, like a runner."

"What, like he's going to run _away _from the dragon?"

Matthew wasn't used to getting so much attention and it made him anxious. He quietly slipped through the crowd and they flowed in behind him, eager to see what he would do to stop the dragon. His face was red and he was acutely aware of how awkward he was: the way his arms swung when he walked, the way his feet slipped on all the tiny bits of gravel on the path, the way he had to constantly push his glasses up his nose every time they slid down, the way his hair flopped every time he moved his head. If he hadn't been so focused on all of this, he might have noticed how pretty the town was. The streets were paved with stone and lined with rosebushes. The houses were few and small, leaving a generous amount of space for all the flowers that grew so abundantly here. As it was, he was so focused on not being such a total goof that he almost passed right by the library and had to double-back, forcing his way through the crowd to get to the doors.

At last, he was inside with his back against the doors and the townsKoopas on the other side. He let out a sigh of relief and then scanned the library for Goombella. Like everything else in Petalburg, the library was small and he found his companion without too much trouble. The towers of books on the table was the dead giveaway.

"About time you got here!" she hissed without looking up from the history book she was browsing. "I think I know where to find the Crystal Star."

Matthew perked up. "Where?"

He should have known better than to expect a straight answer from her. She said, "I've done a bit of digging through the local archives - which is a lot bigger than you would expect in a tiny little burg, but then again with all the archeological sites scattered around Petal Meadows, it really does make sense - but anyways, each place has a different history - it's all just a matter of tracking down the time and place of each event and the likelihood that the Crystal Star was part of it - and by the way, did you know..."

And off she went with wars and settlements and dates he'd never remember. It wasn't easy, but after a long and very confusing history lesson, Matthew managed to piece together the gist of her theory. "So you're saying it's in a place called Shhwonk Fortress?"

"I'm ninety percent positive," Goombella affirmed. On the table was a map she had copied, with arrows weaving around each other and notations detailing the possible locations of the Crystal Star. It looked credible, yet Matthew could not shake the feeling that the college student had missed a vital clue. Though there were so many possible locations to search, he had the strong suspicion that he knew exactly where the Crystal Star was hidden, and that's when it occurred to him.

He said to Goombella, "You remember last night, with the dragon? What it said when it landed next to us?"

"What do you mean?" she asked, giving him an odd look.

"'_Something shiny to put into my collection,' _remember?"

This gave her pause for a second or two but she very quickly responded, "It doesn't necessarily mean anything... oh, ugh!" An expression of disgust crossed her face. Matthew figured she had finally cracked under the strain of his stupidity. Then he felt someone standing behind him.

"Um, excuse me," said the Koopa timidly. He was young and rather glum-looking with his head bent and his hands tucked in the pockets of his gray hoodie. "Are you the ones going to defeat Hooktail?"

Matthew looked to Goombella, but she turned back to the books with an expression that would have set them ablaze if looks could kill. So he turned back to the Koopa. "Well, uh..."

The Koopa reacted guiltily. "Oh, I was just asking because... uh... I was just wondering..." He tugged distractedly at the tassel at his hood for a moment and then finished quickly, "You know what? Never mind. Forget I said anything. Sorry for bothering you." Then he turned, pulled his hoodie over his head, and shuffled out of the library. Matthew wasn't quite sure what to make of that strange encounter.

Goombella put her book down. "I don't know how _you_ managed it. Me, I had people coming in here and bothering me, and even when I used my most evil eye on them, they wouldn't leave. It was only thanks to the Ms. Murtle here that I could finally do my research in peace." She gestured to an old, wrinkled Koopa wearing half-moon glasses with a beaded chain attached to her ear and pink hair tied up in a bun. "I've got to hand it to you: you know how to scare people off. What's your secret? That dumbfounded stare you always have?"

"Shhhhh!" came the unexpected voice of the librarian, who had a finger to her wrinkled lips.

Goombella smiled apologetically and then disappeared into her book again.

Matthew mused over what his companion had said. Did he scare the young Koopa off? No, there was something else going on with him. The look he had given him before taking off... it was something else... something like... desperation. But what was he desperate for?

He tossed the question around in his mind. He came up with several theories borrowed straight from soap operas that his mom liked to watch until Goombella finally slammed her book shut and stood up. "All right," she said, "I think we're ready."

"We're going to Shhwonk Fortress?" Matthew guessed.

"That's right." She nodded. "We're going to Shhwonk Fortress."

Stepping outside the library, they were greeted by a thunderous cheer from the crowd of Koopas, which was even larger than when Matthew had stepped out of Em T.'s inn.

"Hail the dragon slayers!"

"They're going to beat up Hooktail!"

"They're warriors from a distant land!"

"They're a professional team. Never lost a battle once!"

"Fifty coins says they don't come back."

"Just ignore them," Goombella said to Matthew, raising her head with dignity.

They shuffled their way through the crowd, who flowed in behind them. As the two of them moved toward the eastern gate, the townsfolk's words of praise became words of confusion.

"Where are they going? Are they going the right way?"

"That's not the way to Hooktail's Castle. Are they really professional dragon slayers?"

"They've got to be confused. They'll realize soon that they're going to wrong way."

"Do you think we should tell them Hooktail's Castle is the other way?"

"Pay no attention to them," Goombella warned Matthew.

They stepped outside the eastern gate and the townsKoopas halted behind it, watching the dragon slayers leaving, with bewilderment. Then, at once, they began shouting.

"They're not going to fight the dragon! They're running away!"

"They're not heroes, at all! Just selfish cowards!"

"They betrayed us! They're leaving us to be dragon chow!"

"Just ignore them!" Goombella trilled, raising her head as high as it could go. Matthew tried his best to follow her advice, but that became impossible after the first tin can hit him on the back of his head.

"Ow!" he cried, shielding himself. They were under attack by a barrage of tin cans and broken hammers.

"Run!" Goombella cried.

They beat a hasty retreat until they were well out of range of both the falling projectiles and the angry shouts of the townsfolk.


	7. The Host of Shhwonk Fortress

**Chapter 7: The Host of Shhwonk Fortress**

Matthew's head still ached where the tin can had hit him, after an hour into their trek. It probably would have already been gone if Goombella had been able to stop talking about the Kuribo shoe trade route for five minutes. On top of that, his stomach was starting to growl. He thought of the breakfast he had eaten at Em T.'s and really wished he had thought to tuck a scone or two in his pocket.

"How much farther?" he asked.

To his surprise, Goombella actually stopped talking shile she consulted her handdrawn map. Then she answered, "Once we pass Bramball's Arch, we should be close to Shhwonk Fortress."

Bramball's Arch was, of course, another hour of walking, but at last they stepped through between the two hills that made its feet, and the archeology student shouted excitedly, "There it is!"

"There" was not just around the bend as Matthew had hoped. "There" was on top of a tall hill far, far across a hilly plain that spread before them like a pleated blanket that Matthew used to have, which had made making the bed such a miserable chore. His stomach grumbled in protest, knowing that there was no lunch between here and "there."

"Oh, be quiet, you," he rebuked it sternly. "Where's your sense of adventure?"

"What did you say?"

Matthew shook his head quickly. "Nothing. Just talking to myself."

They began their journey of a thousand plus steps across the plain, taking care not to tread on any of the flowers that served as its carpet. Goombella said, "You do know that's really weird, right?"

"If I had a nickel," Matthew responded.

It was quite a distance between Bramball's Arch and Shhwonk's Fortress on top of the tall hill. In that distance, among the lesser hills and valleys, it was possible that the two intrepid adventurers would encounter a few things along the way... or maybe it would just be a dreadfully boring two-hour walk. As it happened, the only event that came close to being an interesting diversion was when the two of them accidentally upset a colony of Monty Moles and had to play a frantic version of whack-a-mole.

Two hours later and still a bit sweaty from their workout, they finally crested the hill where Shhwonk Fortress hunkered. Goombella started bouncing with excitement.

"Here we are!" she said breathlessly, coming dangerously close to squealing. "Shhwonk Fortress. Home of the mighty King Thwompemall, the last of the conquerors before the Treaty of 1764. They say he looted over twenty-nine kingdoms and transported their treasures here, hiding them in a secret chamber that not even his closest friends knew about. I'm positive the Crystal Star is one of those treasures he hid away!"

Matthew gazed critically at the keep. The home of the "mighty King Thwompemall" seemed a little on the small side, in his opinion.

The inside was decidedly less impressive. Even Goombella faltered in her recitation of the fortress's construction. The "grand hall" that they were walking through wasn't much bigger than a small church, with bars in the windows instead of stained glass, and the roll of carpet that ran down the center was a bland brown color against the gray stones.

The throne room was bare save for the throne itself, constructed from simply cut stones and a chandelier from the ceiling, which held four candles. It looked more like a fishhook to Matthew. The hallways led to a tiny kitchen, a famine-struck dining hall, a few cramped bedrooms, and a water closet.

With the search so disappointing, Matthew was only waiting for Goombella to lose heart and suggest they search elsewhere for the Crystal Star, but she was stubborn, poring over her map and running to each chamber to search them again and again. The phrase, "maybe we missed something," was becoming her mantra.

Then she found it. In the kitchen, of all places, behind a cluster of onions that hung from the ceiling was a projecting stone in the wall. After giving it a push, she nearly broke Matthew's eardrums with a squeal of delight when a section of the wall sank into the floor, revealing a dark passage.

"Ha! Secret treasure room! I _told _you, didn't I?" She gave Matthew a ridiculously smug grin.

Matthew gave her an innocent look. "I thought we were looking for a Crystal Star?"

Goombella shook her head dismissively. "That will be in the secret treasure room, you just wait!" She clicked on the light on her helmet and bounded forward. "Well, come on, slowpoke! That Crystal Star isn't going to find itself! And not just the Crystal Star, but probably hundreds of jewels and diamonds, and - ooh! Diamonds! Those would so totally look good on me! I'm not usually into fashion like that, but something about hidden treasure just makes me feel all..."

The passage ended, and she abruptly stopped talking. Matthew stepped out from behind her and surveyed the room grimly. Just as he feared, the secret treasure room was just as unimpressive as the rest of the fortress, closely resembling the throne room except that instead of a throne, there was a single bust of a thwomp scowling in the back. This room at least had a skylight to give it a little more illumination. And by skylight, that meant the entire ceiling was missing, opening the room to the afternoon sky.

He remarked, "Maybe I'm just stupid, but shouldn't secret treasure rooms have... oh, what's the word... _treasure_ in them?"

Goombella was crestfallen. She said in a small voice, "But... I was so sure... the research..."

Matthew looked at her and felt his gut wrench. The expression on her face was heartbreaking and even when he reminded himself all the names she had called him he couldn't help but feel sorry for her.

"Well," he said slowly, "maybe this is just a decoy secret treasure room, like the ones the Egyptians had in their pyramids. Maybe the real one is hidden in here somewhere..." He walked toward the bust, the only thing visible in the room. "Hey, I'll bet you there's a hidden button on this thing that will open the way to the real secret treasure room." He stopped in front of the bust. "Am I right, eh, little guy?" He reached under the spikes around the thwomp's head and gave it a tickle.

"NOT RIGHT THERE, THERE ISN'T!" roared the bust.

"Eep!" Matthew flew backwards and landed hard on his side. It hurt quite a bit, but he didn't pay it much mind, busy as he was scrambling toward the exit. But when he reached it, a set of iron bars sprang up out of the floor, blocking the way into the corridor.

Goombella was in shock.

"Ha!" growled the thwomp on his pedestal. "Now I have you, you filthy little trespassers! Trying to steal the treasure of the mighty King Thwompemall, are you? Well, now you'll have to deal with me, Sir Thwackyugood!"

From his prone position on the floor, Matthew raised a hand in surrender. "Wait, wait! What if we just left you alone? Just go back the way we came, huh?"

Goombella, on the other hand, had a new spark in her eyes. "Hold on one minute, are you saying there's actually treasure here to steal?"

Sir Thwackyugood huffed. "I wouldn't be here if there wasn't. But if you think for one minute that I'm going to let you steal it, you've got another thing coming!" He puffed out his chest, and, Matthew wondered, did his spikes just get a little bigger?

The thwomp growled, "If you want the treasure, you'll have to go through me!"

Goombella inclined her head. "Fair enough. Just one question though: is there a Crystal Star included in the treasure? Because that's all we really want. You see, we're on this quest..."

"The challenge has been accepted!" boomed Sir Thwackyugood, and he leaped from his pedestal and came back down with a shuddering thwomp. A moment later, Matthew saw something as big as the room descending from the sky.

"Duck!" he cried.

It landed with a cacophonous crash that seemed to go on forever with jangling, beeping, whistling, and... clapping?

Matthew stood up and nearly fell back down again in shock. Before his very eyes was a transformed room, where it once had been bleak and gray, it was now alive with color and flashing lights. Red drapes and lights traversed the walls and the floor was covered in purple carpet. There was a purple booth with gold trim and a large, glowing red button on the panel before it. If Matthew had to describe the theme, he would immediately have said "game show."

"Hey, hey, hey, ladies and germs!" boomed Sir Thwackyugood, who now wore a spotted bowtie, "Welcome, everyone, to the 65th Annual Quiz Show! I'm your host, Sir Thwackyugood, and tonight our contestants are going to pit their wits against the world's toughest questions!"

When the applause died down, he continued in a lower voice, "The rules are simple. Answer ten questions correctly and you will earn a fabulous prize: the great treasure of the mighty King Thwompemall!"

There was another burst of applause. When it died down again, the thwomp's voice took on a wicked tone, "But answer three question incorrectly and you will pay a most severe penalty: an eternity in the dungeons!"

This time, there was a chorus of approving howls. Matthew's skin crawled. This invisible audience sounded pretty bloodthirsty. The thwomp host certainly looked tickled at the thought of them spending an eternity in some dank hole. He flashed them an evil grin. "Contestants, are you ready?"

Without hesitation, Goombella bounced right into the booth. "Ready!" Her face was positively beaming with excitement. Then she turned to Matthew and jerked her head. "Well, don't just stand there!"

This jolted Matthew out of his shock and he cautiously approached the booth. He settled in beside Goombella.

"All right! Very good!" boomed the thwomp amid a chorus of cheers. He looked down at a stack of cards in front of him. "Here is your first question: in what year did King Thwompemall fight in the Battle of the Seven-Spotted Hill?"

Goombella startled Matthew by slamming on the buzzer and blurting, "1651!"

The audience booed. Matthew had the terrible, lurching feeling that they had just made their first strike. Two more and they were spending an eternity in the dungeons.

The thwomp host scowled at Goombella. Matthew looked up in surprise when he said, "Well, well. Looks like we've got a know-it-all, folks. The answer is correct and the point goes to the contestants. Curses!"

The number 1 flashed on the screen above their heads, and Matthew's heart soared. Maybe they had a chance to get out of this alive... well, without spending eternity chiseling tally marks on the dungeon walls anyway. Looks like Goombella's encyclopedic brain was good for something, after all.

Noticing Matthew's smile, the thwomp growled, "Don't get too confident, knaves! That was only the first question. The other ones aren't quite so easy." He glanced down at his cards and said, "Your next question is: how many kingdoms did the mighty King Thwompemall conquer before the Treaty of 1764?"

Goombella declared without hesitation, "Twenty-nine!"

The crowd booed again and Sir Thwackyugood's scowl became fiercer. "Another correct answer earns you another point. It seems we underestimated you. But there's still eight questions left, each of them more devilish than the last. You still want to play?"

"Bring it on!" Goombella cheered.

So the game continued with Sir Thwackyugood asking trivia about King Thwompemall and his conquests, some of them ridiculously particular, yet Goombella somehow answered them all correctly. With each correct answer and the rising number above their heads, Sir Thwackyugood's scowl became fiercer and fiercer. On the eigth correct answer, he was livid.

_Eight points, _Matthew thought with some satisfaction. _Just two questions left, and even if we get those wrong, it doesn't matter. _Three _wrong answers was what would send us to the dungeons. We're a shoo-in for this contest._

Sir Thwackyugood spoke, "Ladies and gentlemen, there are two questions left, so I'm changing the rules here."

"What?!" Matthew cried in outrage. "You can't do that!"

Sir Thwackyugood snorted. "My contest, my rules. Here's the deal: I will ask the next question, but whichever of you answers it will have to pass the next question to the other contestant. If either of you gets an answer wrong, you lose and will spend eternity in the dungeons."

"Hey, that's not fair!" Goombella protested. "You said we have to get _three _questions wrong to lose the game! At least let me answer both questions!"

"One question for each of you. Those are the rules. If you refuse to follow them, I'll just send you straight to the dungeons!"

"Why you..." Goombella fumed.

Matthew asked, "What if we just walked away?"

Sir Thwackyugood smiled. "You forfeit the game and I send you to the dungeons."

Matthew scowled. "You're a real bully, you know that?"

The thwomp smirked. "All right, here's your question: what kind of material and how much of it was used in the casting of mighty King Thwompemall's monument, which stands on Wiggler Hill?"

"What kind of..." Matthew scratched his head and threw Goombella a bewildered look. She gazed back at him with huge eyes, biting her lip and bouncing from the effort of holding back the answer. Her message was clear. He needed to answer because the next question was sure to be the fatal blow. But he had absolutely no idea what the answer was. He wasn't even sure what the question was!

He turned back to Sir Thwackyugood. "It's uh..."

Sir Thwackyugood's smirk slowly grew wider and a manic gleam entered his eyes.

"It's... what kind of... uh... could you repeat the question?"

The thwomp show host bared his teeth in a nasty grin and began, "What kind of..."

"Six-thousand seven-hundred fifty-three pounds of shale was used in the construction of King Thwompemall's monument after his conquest of Fort Koopant in 1670!" Goombella blurted.

Sir Thackyugood turned to her and slowly raised his eyebrows though he was still smirking. He said in silky voice, "That is correct. But that only means that your partner has to answer the final question and if he gets it wrong, you both are sent to the dungeons. If you answer for him, you forfeit the game and get sent to the dungeons. Are the rules clear?"

She nodded mutely, her face pale and beaded with sweat. She looked like she was going to be sick. She leaned in close to Matthew and hissed venomously, "You better not get this one wrong!"

Matthew didn't trust himself to speak. He thought he'd be sick, too. Why should she expect this much from him? She was the one who had memorized the entire history of Petal Meadows, not him! It was Sir Thwackyugood who was being unfair. Unfair and cruel. He must have noticed Matthew had never answered the questions and decided to target him, knowing he would get the answer wrong. Oh, why couldn't they have just done battle or something?

Sir Thwackyugood drew himself up importantly, projecting his bowtie as he did. "Very well then. It's the final question, ladies and germs! This will be the one that determines whether our contestants walk away with the mighty King Thwompemall's fabulous treasure or are dropped into the dark and cold dungeon for all eternity! The lady Goomba has gotten them this far, folks, but let's see if her male companion can bring them all the way!"

The invisible crowd whistled excitedly. Matthew tried hard not to throw up. _Just hurry up and let's get this over with already_, he thought.

The thwomp host lowered his voice dramatically, "The final question. Remember, if you get this one wrong or your partner answers for you, you lose the game and get sent to the dungeons. Are you ready?"

Something exploded in Matthew's stomach and rushed up his throat, but through sheer force of will, he kept it down. Not daring to open his mouth, he simply nodded.

Sir Thwackyugood nodded solemnly back. "Very well then. The final question: what main commodity was transported along the famed trade route of Petal Meadows?"

Matthew's mouth fell open though thankfully nothing spilled from it. He couldn't believe his luck. The trade route of Petal Meadows? That was the question?

Sir Thwackyugood smirked. "Well, Mr. Contestant, what's the answer?"

Matthew hesitated. It couldn't be that easy, could it? The trade route of Petal Meadows? Goombella wouldn't stop talking about it on the way here!

The thwomp game show host spoke, "You have ten seconds to give your answer."

Matthew slammed his hand on the buzzer. Goombella jumped in surprise and Sir Thwackyugood looked up sharply.

"Is it the Kuribo shoe?" Matthew asked.

The room was silent. You could hear a pin drop, if not the brutal pounding of Matthew's heart. Goombella's mouth was open and her eyes were as big as oranges. Sir Thwackyugood merely stared.

Then he started to turn red. Then he started shuddering. Then he started to growl. Then finally he blew his top.

"IMPOSSIBLE!" He leaped from his pedestal and came crashing back down, causing the entire room to shudder. "You couldn't have figured that out on your own! She must have helped you! You cheated!"

"He won fair and square, and you know it!" Goombella shouted, leaping onto the panel.

"No! He cheated! He must have cheated! That's the only explanation! There was no way he could have answered it otherwise!"

"Oh yeah? Prove it!" the archaeology student challenged.

The thwomp snorted. "Fie! It is not my honor that is in question! You forfeit the game by cheating! And you know what that means!" He grinned nastily. "Audience, say goodbye to the cheaters!" He rose into the air.

Goombella exploded with anger. "WHY, YOU DIRTY..."

Sir Thwackyugood stomped down hard. Before Matthew had a chance to run, the floor dropped beneath his feet and he fell. He shot out his arm to catch himself and grabbed Goombella by the ponytail. She yelped in surprise and pain as she backflipped into the hole after him and the two of them disappeared.

"And that's the end of the 65th Annual Quiz Show, ladies and germs! Thank you and good night!" He gave another stomp, causing the flashy furnishings to collapse to the floor, and then one final stomp to send them through another hole in the floor. In a flash, the room was transformed from a game show room to a barren secret chamber with a single bust of a thwomp smirking in the back.

...

Matthew had had many dreams in which he had fallen from a high place, though he woke up just before impact every time. But this experience seemed even more like a dream than any of them ever had.

He felt the wind rushing past him just like it would in freefall, yet he could sense somehow his body was sinking slowly like he was in a swimming pool full of molasses. It was the most bizarre sensation. In the darkness that surrounded them, he saw outlines that looked like stalactites, rising slowly above his head, which only accentuated the dream-like experience. Goombella dangled below him by her ponytail, which he was still holding. She was screaming, her eyes squeezed tight as she braced for impact.

Eventually they touched the ground. Goombella gave a shuddering gasp as though she had dipped into freezing cold water rather than solid ground. A moment later, Matthew found out why. It was like the ground was pushing up toward him inexorably with the intent of smashing him into the ceiling like a bug in a vise. But the feeling only lasted a few seconds and then gravity was right again.

"Are you okay?" he asked his companion. She was panting, doubtless still recovering from the rush of adrenaline that accompanied their fall. After a moment, she fumbled with the light on her helmet until it clicked on. She shined the light around and the two of them took in their surroundings.

They were unquestionably in a dugeon cell. They were surrounded on three sides by stone walls while the fourth was made of iron bars, which had turned dark orange from years of rust though still apparently solid. The skeletal remains of a Koopa gripped the bars as though he longed for one last glimpse of the sky.

Matthew and Goombella exchanged grim glances. Then she kicked him in the shin.

"Ow!" Matthew hopped on one foot. "What was that for?"

"Way to go, genius! Now we're stuck down here! Forever!"

"Now, wait just a minute!" Matthew protested. "I got that answer right! He was trying to find a reason to stick us down here, and the only way he could do that was by claiming we cheated! It's _him _you should be mad at!"

"Yeah, but you're the dope who grabbed me and pulled us both down here! If you hadn't done that, I might have found some way to save you. Maybe find the Crystal Star and wish you out, but nope! You had to drag me into this, too! Now neither of us is getting out of here! And no one will be able to rescue Princess Peach!"

"Princess Peach, you say?" said a voice from the dark, startling both Goombella and Matthew. "Then you must be the two adventurers I've been waiting for."

Shining Goombella's light through the bars, they saw a cloaked figure approach them. They couldn't see much of him beneath the dark blue cloak except for two bright eyes and an impressive blond mustache. Based on his fashion sense, which was similar to Merluvlee's, he must have been another Merlon.

He stopped in front of them and bowed his head. "My name is Merle. I foresaw that you would be here and so I waited... for three days as a matter of fact. How fortunate the mushrooms grow so abundantly here." He waved his gloved hand around.

Matthew said hopefully, "So you're here to help us?"

"To deliver a message, actually," said the old man and then sat down with a finality that gave Matthew the sinking feeling that this would take a while. He took out a mushroom and took a bite out of it.

"Now..." he mumbled around his meal, "let me see if I have this right. You seek the Crystal Star, which you believe will help you rescue Princess Peach..." He swallowed. "Am I right?"

Matthew nodded. Goombella piped up, "Hey, look, if you don't mind, we could use some help getting out of here. We kind of have this urgent mission, and we'd really like to get back to it because, you know, it's kind of important. 'Kidnapped princess' kind of important."

"All in good time, my dear," said Merle patiently, taking another bite. "Right now, I need to know something. You have a magic map, correct? Why then did you not follow it to the Crystal Star instead of coming all the way out here?"

Goombella didn't take kindly to that. "Excuse me? What, you think we're stupid or something? Like the map told us to go somewhere and we completely ignored it? Well, for your information, we did try to use it to find the Crystal Star, but when we got to Petal Meadows, it stopped working, so we had to do some research to find it ourselves. And just so you know, Matthew had the map the whole time so if you want to blame somebody for ruining it then blame him..."

"Enough." The hooded Merlon waved his hand, effectively stopping her tirade. Merle continued, "I'm afraid you've wasted your time. You've only managed to embarrass poor Sir Thwackyugood for your trouble."

The archaeology student was astonished. "_Poor _Sir Thwackyugood?"

"Why yes. You see, he was entrusted by King Thwompemall to guard his treasure for all eternity - a post which he was most honored to receive. And for over two hundred years he guarded it without incident.

"Then ten years ago, that all changed. One day, without warning, something crashed through the ceiling. Before Sir Thwackyugood knew it, all of King Thwompemall's treasure that he was so honored to guard was taken... every single piece, save for one trinket..."

Merle pulled something from his voluminous sleeve and held it up for the two of them to see. It looked like a wind-up toy made of jade. Upon closer look, it appeared to be a cricket.

"That was all Sir Thwackyugood had to show after two-hundred thirty-five years of guarding his master's treasure hoard. The dragon took everything else - all of it - and he's been shamed by it ever since." Merle put the wind-up cricket on the ground and folded his arms inside his sleeves. "So it was only natural that he'd be determined to see you lose, so that he could send you to the dungeons. He could not bear the shame of revealing to you how he had lost the treasure you are seeking."

"Well, then why didn't you tell us this _before _we went through all that?" Goombella demanded.

"Because you were too prideful and cowardly to listen before," Merle answered as he took another bite of his mushroom.

Goombella was flabbergasted. She stammered, "Cowardly... prideful... but... that's no reason... still could've... how dare you... cowardly?"

"You already know where the Crystal Star is. But the map does more than show you where to find them. You needed to find Petalburg first so you could see what they need you to be. And you may have been intended to search for it here first, after all." He got to his feet, stumbling a bit over his billowy robes as he did so though he somehow made it look dignified all the same.

"Now then," he said once he was back on his feet. "Is it clear what you must do?"

Goombella gave the old man a scandalized look. It was Matthew who voiced it. "Go to Hooktail's Castle?"

"Good boy! Off you go, then." He waved his hand over the lock on the cell door and murmured a few mystical words, and the door popped open with a rusty groan.

"Oh," he said as they filed past him. "One last thing before you go." He scooped up the wind-up toy and offered it to Matthew, who took it bemusedly. The Merlon explained, "You may just find it useful in your quest. I don't think it was by accident the dragon left that bit of treasure behind."

"What's that supposed to mean?" said Goombella, her voice sulky.

Merle didn't answer. He simply turned and vanished.


	8. A New Recruit

**Chapter 8: A New Recruit**

Matthew thought it best to keep his mouth shut even though Goombella was leading them in circles down in the dungeons. She was in a foul mood and clearly distracted as she kept mumbling to herself, "It's not cowardly to plan ahead... and why shouldn't I be proud of my brains? ...just because I don't rush in headfirst into what's clearly a dangerous place... that old koot thinks he's so smart... I don't see _him _running to the castle to fight the dragon..." She took each turn without any careful consideration, and not once did she check her hand drawn map. Dead ends fazed her not, and instead she abruptly wheeled around and shoved past Matthew, who more than once scraped his elbow against the rough stone walls this way. He feared they would wind up wandering through dank and narrow corridors for the rest of their lives.

But eventually his patience was rewarded when they climbed out to the surface to the cheerful chorus of crickets. It had gotten dark while they had been wandering and Matthew suggested they camp for the night before setting off for Hooktail's Castle the next day. Goombella didn't disagree, so Matthew went out in search of something to eat before turning in, coming back with an armful of red-spotted mushrooms.

Matthew was actually excited to try the famous mushrooms of the Mushroom Kingdom, which was unusual for him since he normally hated mushrooms. He cautiously nibbled one.

Unexpected, was the best way to describe it. It had the unexpected crispness of an apple but with the mellow taste of a banana and with just a hint of chili pepper that seemed to ease the aches and weariness in his bones and fill him with instant energy. He now understood why it was Mario's go-to snack for an adventure. He glanced at Goombella to find she didn't look too impressed with the revitalizing effects of the mushrooms, but then again she probably ate these things for breakfast every day. Once the both of them had their fill, they settled down to rest. Matthew fell asleep to Goombella's soporific mumbling.

Early the next day just before the sun was peeking over the hills, they started off toward Hooktail Castle. As they neared the walls of Petalburg, both adventurers paused and considered it thoughtfully. Matthew turned to Goombella.

"Let's go around it," she confirmed.

So that's what they did. It meant thirty extra minutes of walking but Matthew didn't mind it terribly. He still had the memory of the tin can connecting with his head.

But as they were coming around to the town's western gate, they heard the frenzied pitches of an argument.

"You haven't got a prayer against that monster! What's gotten into you?" said a female's voice.

Another voice spoke, "Someone needs to stop Hooktail. He's been terrorizing our town for years, and I... well, someone needs to stop him."

Matthew stopped in surprise. He recognized that voice. Timid and soft-spoken... it was that Koopa who talked to him in the library the day before.

The female's voice spoke, "You don't have to do it, Koops. Someone else will stop him. Those two adventurer's yesterday..."

"There IS no one else!" cried Koops. Matthew cringed guiltily at his next words, "You saw how they walked away. They never intended to fight Hooktail... and waiting for someone else to do it... I mean, who else is going to do it? And I... I want to finish what my dad started..."

They heard the female sigh. "Listen, Koops, your dad knew who you are. He knew you're not the strongest or the bravest, and he never expected you to be! You don't need to prove anything! Especially not to me. I love you just the way you are! Can't that just be enough?"

"This isn't just about me, Koopie Koo, don't you see? I'm doing this for everyone. I'm doing this to protect Petalburg... for them, for my dad, and for you..."

Koopie Koo's retort was harsh. "No, Koops. You're doing this for you. It isn't for your dad and it definitely isn't for me. You're doing this because you want revenge on Hooktail and for your own pride. I can't believe how selfish you're being right now."

Matthew bristled. How dare she call Koops selfish? Here a guy tries to save a town from a hungry dragon, and his girlfriend goes and calls him selfish! He glanced at Goombella, who shrugged and said, "Tough love, huh?"

"I'm going to help him," Matthew told her. "Come on." He began marching toward the voices. Goombella hopped in agitation, cried, "Hey, what are you doing? Hey!" and chased after him.

She caught up with him just as he came around the wall and spotted the couple standing outside the gates. He called out to them, "Hey!" They turned to him in surprise. Koops looked especially surprised as his mouth dropped.

Matthew suddenly realized he didn't know where he was going with this. He fumbled silently for words and then blurted the first thing that came to his mind, "You going to Hooktail's Castle?"

Koops was too stunned to reply, but Koopie Koo blurted with an expression of relief, "Oh, thank goodness you're here! Koops has this crazy idea of going to Hooktail Castle to stop the dragon. I've tried to reason with him, but maybe he'll listen to you."

Goombella made a gesture as though raising her hands in surrender, "Hey, I hear you, sister. This guy here wants to storm the castle gates with hammer swinging and I'm trying to tell him, 'Whoa, there, hotshot, let's think about what we're doing so we don't wind up barbequed, you know?' But does anyone listen to me? No they don't, even though I'm the one with a college education..."

Matthew argued, "You never said that! I was the one who said the Crystal Star was probably at Hooktail Castle, but you insisted we go to that fortress instead!"

"Hey, my research was sound! The Crystal Star _had_ been taken to Shhwonk Fortress..."

"But we wasted a whole day going there! And who knows what's happening to Princess Peach in the meantime..."

Koops spoke up, "Uhh... did you say, 'Princess Peach'?"

They didn't hear him. Goombella continued, "Well, it won't do her any good if we wind up dead. Just charging through the gates could get us both killed..."

"So what, spend a month reading every book they have on castles and dragons?"

Koops said, "Uhh... guys?"

"I don't take a whole month! I could probably read that entire library in... maybe a week... or two..."

"We don't have two weeks!"

Koops tried again, "Guys?"

"Well, what other choice do we have? Without an intimate knowledge of the castle and Hooktail, we're as good as dead the second we step through the door!"

"I know how to get through Hooktail's Castle," Koops said.

Goombella and Matthew turned to him. He blushed and ducked his head. "Um, yeah... my dad did a bunch of research on the place before he disappeared and I've... pretty much memorized a lot of it, so... yeah, I think I know the way..."

Nobody spoke for a minute. Then Matthew turned to his companion with a grin on his face. "What do you say, Goombella? Make him the captain of this expedition?"

"WHAT!?" That was Koopie Koo. "You can't be serious!"

Koops eyes were large. "Um... you want _me _to lead?"

Matthew beamed. "Well, sure! You said so yourself, you know all about how to get there. And it beats spending hours in the library doing tons of research, eh, Goombella?" He turned to her with his brightest smile.

She muttered, "You're a real pain in the neck, you know that?"

Ignoring her, he turned back to the timid Koopa. "So what do you say, Koops? You in?"

He scratched his head uncertainly. "Oh, uh... I guess..." He turned and gestured half-heartedly over his shoulder. "So, uh, follow me." He started forward. Matthew fell into step behind him, and Goombella, after uttering a furious few words, brought up the rear.

Koopie Koo's shrill voice froze them in their tracks. "Koops, where do you think you're going?"

To his credit, Koops only hesitated for one second and then started off again. Matthew suddenly felt as though he had a target painted on the back of his head and couldn't help ducking in response as he followed.

"Koops, are you listening to me? You get back here this instant or so help me I'll shell slam you so hard..."

Koops kept his back firmly to his girlfriend. Matthew was impressed, the guy had more steel in him than he appeared to have.

Yet Koopie's final blow packed quite a punch. She screamed at him, "Well, fine then, you stubborn Koopa! But don't expect me to cry for you when Hooktail swallows you whole! I hope he broils you first!" Then they heard her sob as she fled back into Petalburg. Matthew's gut wrenched in shame.

"I'm sorry, Koopie Koo," Koops said softly. "I really am."


	9. The Adventurers and the Thief

**Chapter 9: The Adventurers and the Thief**

The trek to Hooktail Castle gave Matthew plenty of time to think. He had had time to think while going to Shhwonk Fortress, but there hadn't really been anything to worry about. Not like this time. No, this time, they were headed toward danger - a castle where a fierce dragon had made its home. A nagging fear was nibbling on his ribs and with every step they took toward the castle, it only worked deeper into his marrow. In his mind, worst-case scenarios bubbled to the surface, all of them featuring him and his party being roasted to a crisp: while sneaking through the front gate, they find Hooktail waiting, who opens his mouth and roasts them to a crisp; while scaling the wall, Hooktail comes flying out from behind the castle, dives toward them, and roasts them to a crisp; while tunneling under the castle, they bump into something in the dark, which opens dragonish green eyes and then opens a glowing red mouth from which bursts a jet of red and black fire that roasts them to a crisp…

_Stop that! _he scolded himself. _We just need a plan. A way to find the Crystal Star without getting roasted by the dragon. He probably keeps it somewhere in the castle while he goes looking for more treasure. We may not even have to fight him!_

The dragon flies out of the castle in search of more treasure. Matthew and his band takes the opportunity to dash inside the castle and start searching the rooms for the Crystal Star. Then they hear the flapping of leathery wings. They turn around and see Hooktail rocketing toward them and screaming, "You think you can take my treasure while I'm away?" Then he opens his mouth and shoots a stream of fire, which roasts them…

Matthew furiously shook the image from his mind. "I give up," he muttered out loud.

"What was that?" Goombella piped up.

"Nothing." He shook his head hastily.

Still, as the journey continued, Matthew couldn't stop his imagination from coming up with worse and worse scenarios. He was almost relieved when Koops announced as they crested a hill. "Th-there it is. H-Hooktail C-C-Castle."

Almost relieved… but something stopped him from heaving it out in a sigh. Maybe it was how intimidatingly huge the castle was, even from this distance. Maybe it was the distance itself spread out before them. Maybe it was the fact that the hour of truth was nearly upon them. Or maybe it was all three.

And the castle only got bigger the closer they got to it. It was the size of a small city with towers that scraped the underside of the sky. And the moat was like a great canyon surrounding it. It was wide enough to swallow a house whole, and so deep, Matthew couldn't tell if there was water at the bottom. The gate to the castle was wide open. The only problem was…

"Great," muttered Goombella, "the bridge is out." She gazed down at the half of the rope bridge dangling down the side of the canyon wall languidly. The other half was on the other side. She turned to Koops, "Well, then, Shaky Boots, what's the plan?"

He started guiltily. "Oh, uh… I, um… well…" He avoided her eyes as he scratched his head.

The archaeologist was obviously flustering the timid Koopa as payback for being passed over as

the leader of this expedition, which made Matthew feel guilty. To help him out, he tried to think of a plan. He gazed out across the gap, screwing up his face in thought. A thought popped into his head: an image of himself sailing across the gap to the other side, catching himself on the bridge hanging down into the moat.

Then Goombella screamed. It was a second or two before he realized he was feeling the wind rushing past his face, stinging his eyes. He saw the wall of the canyon coming inexorably toward him like a freight train. His vision! It had come true! But how?

Then it hit him. The curse! How could he have forgotten about the curse? His compulsion to jump off of cliffs must have kicked in while he was staring out into the abyss, and now he was going to splat against the moat wall like an overripe fruit.

Or maybe not like an overripe fruit but like a very solid body with every inch of it wired to explode upon impact. Indeed, the din was so loud - the crash and rattle - that it blew Matthew's senses apart so he couldn't tell if he was upside down or rightside wrong. The world spun around him in a blur of color. Barely aware of what he was doing, he threw out his arms to stabilize the world.

His fingers tangled in something and he spun into it with another crash. He spun away only to come to a violent stop, pain exploding in his shoulder. He screamed, a raw sound that abraded his throat and rattled his skull, so he switched to hissing through his teeth. His senses came back together and he realized he was hanging on to a slat in the collapsed bridge... by one hand, which was really starting to ache. He threw up his other hand and slipped it into a slat, which seemed to be a bit higher, but at least it eased the pain in his arm.

He became aware of Goombella's voice echoing over the canyon, "...to me; are you okay?"

Matthew's eyes streamed with tears. "Peachy keen," he squeaked.

It was too quiet for the Goomba on the other side to hear him from here, so of course she still wanted to know if he was all right and why he wasn't saying anything, and quite loudly. It was like her shrill voice was coming out of the bottomless canyon rather than the ledge where she stood, and it was rattling him so he yelled, "I'm fine! Just a couple of broken ribs and a fractured skull!"

"Well, that had better be all it is, you crazy wacko! What were you thinking, jumping off like that? Did you forget about the curse or something? I hope that wall bashed some sense into you! If we somehow survive this adventure..."

Her voice cut off abruptly. A little alarmed, Matthew attempted to crane his neck over his shoulder to see what had happened but from his position it was more than a little uncomfortable.

"Goombella?"

Silence greeted him. Maybe she didn't hear him... or couldn't.

"Goombella?" He craned his neck back again but the effect was still the same. What had happened to her? It wasn't like her to pause in midsentence. Could she have been taken by the dragon?

Fearing the worst, he started to climb to the top where he could see what had happened. "Goombella! You there? Hey, Goombella!"

Her voice came back like a blast from a stereo that someone had forgotten to turn down the night before, "WILL YOU KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN, YOU BLOCKHEAD! WE DON'T WANT TO ALERT THE DRAGON!"

Oh. That explained it. Of course, he would have liked to point out that she probably already alerted it with her klaxon-like voice, but he was smart enough to know that he shouldn't be tempting fate. So instead he resigned to grumbling about it as he continued his climb, eventually wriggling himself over the ledge and into the gatehouse.

The gatehouse was sparsely furnished and quite dusty. The only piece of color to be had in the confining space was in the bright blue block sitting on a dais in the corner. A symbol could be seen hovering inside the block – a rather inquisitive-looking exclamation point.

Matthew had to press it. Something so enticing just couldn't be ignored. A small voice in his head protested that it might not be a good idea – that it might trigger a trap – but the loud and quite chatty voice of curiosity told him, "Go on, let's see what it does! Just tap it with your hammer – just a small tap – it won't hurt! Go on!"

But as Matthew raised his hammer, the block suddenly went dark. The floor began to rumble beneath his feet. With a squeal, curiosity fled him and the underappreciated voice of reason screamed, "See what you've done? I told you it was a trap! I told you!" Matthew whipped his head from side to side to spot some escape route he could take, which seemed to be through the gate that he had come through. He really didn't want to try leaping across the chasm again but if the alternative was being pressed into paper or being hole-punched by spikes, he was sure he could summon the courage to try it.

He rushed through the gate. Then he skidded to a stop, his mouth agape.

Stretching out in front of him was a bridge made of bright yellow blocks with innocent expressions on their faces. They clacked cheerily as they floated across the gap until they thudded against the other side. Goombella and Koops immediately set off along it as though they had expected this to happen.

"As it turns out," Goombella told him imperiously in passing, "you didn't need to jump. Koops's father had discovered a secret block King Koopence had hidden in case he needed to get into the castle. His guards, it seemed, were quite lazy and he had to do everything himself." There was a tone in her voice that suggested she could relate.

"I see," said Matthew, feeling remarkably foolish. He glanced at Koops, who ducked his head and twiddled his thumbs. After a moment, he said, "Uh… should have mentioned it earlier, I guess… sorry."

Matthew shook his head. "Don't worry about it. I probably should have mentioned the curse to you."

Koops looked up. "So you have to jump when you're next to a cliff? I'd be t-terrified if that happened to me."

"Yeah, but it's also been surprisingly useful. My falls are pretty slow so I don't have to worry about falling to my death."

"Unless it's in a p-pit of hot lava," mentioned Koops.

Matthew grimaced. "Uh, yeah. Lava. Good point."

They caught up to Goombella who was frozen in awe at the size of the castle beyond the gatehouse. It was enormous! The ceiling above may as well have been the new sky as high up as it was. And the journey across the floor to the many doors could easily take an hour or two even without the large blocks of fallen masonry cluttering the place, and the broken chandelier sitting on top like a cherry on a sundae.

"Oh. My. Gosh." Goombella breathed.

"Morning glory and hallelujah," Matthew added, unable to help himself.

The archaeology student was beside herself with glee. "Just look at this place. It's. So. Big! And the design! Clearly it takes inspiration from the Baroque Period. Just look at this carpet!"

It was rather tacky, in Matthew's opinion, patterned in purple with red stars.

"And that chandelier!" she gushed. "All that marble and gold! Why, I've never seen a more ostentatious piece of decor. The time and effort that went into creating that monstrosity, I can scarce imagine! Doesn't this all just tickle you pink?"

"It might," Matthew replied, "if it wasn't the lair of a dragon, who probably wouldn't be very happy about us being here."

"Oh, dragon, schmagon," she scoffed though her voice did become noticeably less blaring. "We're here anyways so we might as well take a good look around. What is it we're looking for again?"

"The Crystal Star," said Matthew with exasperation.

"Oh, right! Well, come on then. This castle isn't going to explore itself!" She skipped off, her ponytail bouncing merrily behind her.

Matthew called after her, "Goombella, wait!" but she was already far ahead. He sighed and then turned to Koops. "Do you have any idea where Hooktail might hide a Crystal Star?"

Koops twiddled his thumbs. "Well, um... in... in my dad's notes, he says... Hooktail keeps it all in his tower. So that's probably... wh-where it is..." He gulped.

Matthew wasn't too happy about that either, but he forced a smile and a nonchalant shrug. "Well, with any luck, Hooktail will be out and we can just sneak in and look for it. So then, how do we get to Hooktail's tower?"

Gradually, Koops raised his head and glanced around the room. At length, he opened his mouth.

Then they heard a scream.

Matthew exclaimed, "That was Goombella!" and he immediately sprinted off with Koops close behind him.

They found her before an opening into a hallway, aghast at the creature impeding the passage: a Dry Bones with a dry, raspy voice as it spoke, "...are the eternal watch of this fallen keep, the cursed servants to a king long since passed, revenants of His Majesty's house; centuries past, this was the center of a mighty kingdom, long since dwindled by the passage of time, its memory kept alive by its servants who know not the sweet embrace of death..."

Matthew spoke up loudly, "Hey, Goombella. You, uh, all right?" He considered adding, "This guy talks more than you do," but quickly dismissed the idea.

The Dry Bones' head clicked as he turned to them. "More intruders? Heh, that is more who will join our eternal vigil..."

Goombella snapped at Matthew and Koops, "You guys sure took your sweet time! While you were traipsing about like a couple of Clubbas, I've had to listen to this old geezer complaining about what it was like 'back in his day'. Normally, I appreciate a bit of history but this guy has more 'in the gloom of the dawn of our age' than anything remotely factual, I mean, seriously!"

They were all startled when the Dry Bones snapped, "FOOLS! Do you not grasp the weight of your doom? We are cursed to keep eternal vigil over this castle and any who trespass will join us! As one of us!"

"Oh yeah?" sneered Goombella. "You and what army?"

Matthew groaned aloud at the cliche and the inevitable response. With a cacophonous clatter, what he had taken to be part of the rubble started coming together into Dry Bones all around the massive room. Hundreds of Dry Bones. An entire army of them pulling themselves together to confront the threat against their castle - three hundred Dry Bones against the three of them.

"Uh, guys?" said Koops, his voice rising with emotion.

The Dry Bones behind them gave a hearty but dry laugh. "Now do you see? The impending weight of your doom? Tremble! Tremble before the might of King Koopence's undead army!"

It was a bad situation. They couldn't possibly take on an entire army of Dry Bones! Heck, they could barely take on Lord Crump and his chumps! In the face of such a dire predicament, there was only one thing Matthew could think to do.

"Fore!" he yelled and in an underhand swing sent the Dry Bones' head bouncing into the hallway and yelling indignantly.

"Come on!" he yelled to his friends, and the three of them fled down the hallway, the clatter of dry bones close behind them.

Of course, trying to flee inside a labyrinthine castle often leads to more trouble as the threesome would come to discover once they had shaken the Dry Bones off their tail - the least of which would be getting lost. Through twists and turns, up and down the landings, into passages long kept secret before they stumbled into it the three adventurers went to escape the vengeful castle inhabitants until they finally stumbled into the castle's apothecary, which reeked of dried herbs and shriveled animal carcasses but at least served to hide them from the Dry Bone army.

Though it seemed someone had found it first, for after a while in which they caught their breath they heard a titter, and a voice behind them spoke, "My, my."

It was a Mowzer. Something about her prompted them to put up their guards. It could have been the mischievous twinkle in her eye beneath the red swatch she wore, or the way her fingers were constantly questing toward their pockets. Matthew certainly wasn't going to allow himself to be seduced by her silky voice, her snow white skin, or even her tail provocatively curled in the shape of a heart.

"What sort of trouble have you all gotten yourselves into, hm?" she asked amusedly. "You look as though Hooktail himself is after you."

Matthew could have responded with some sharp witticism, given enough time to think it, but Goombella, in her usual brash way, was the first to open her mouth, "What's it to you?"

"Now, now, there's no need to get testy with me," said the Mowzer soothingly. She was clearly used to this sort of reaction. "I'm only curious as to what a couple of cuties like you are doing in such a dangerous place."

"We're actually here to fight Hooktail," Koops answered straightforwardly.

Matthew and Goombella stared at him. This was unexpected. The timid, young Koopa had undergone a startling transformation. The stammer had gone from his voice and in its place was a level confidence. A gleam of determination was in his eye and his mouth was set in a resolute line.

"Mmm," said the Mowzer, her eyes lighting up, "I'm intrigued. Not many are brave enough to challenge the dragon head-on. I, myself, prefer to tiptoe around him as I'm lightening his hoard."

"Aha!" cried Goombella. "I knew it! You're a thief, aren't you? Don't try to deny it!"

"Oh, I wouldn't dream of it," said the thief sweetly. She blew them a kiss and declared, "I am the White Shadow, the Laughing Breeze, the Velvet-Fingered Mowzer. Ms. Mowz at your humble service." She winked.

Koops bowed. "A pleasure to make your acquaintance. I'm afraid we don't have grand titles, but are known simply as Koops, Matthew, and Goombella."

"Ex_cuse _me!" Goombella objected. "I'm an archaeology student working her way to becoming a doctor in the field. You can't just lump me in with you..."

"You may wonder then why we decided to take on this dangerous task," Koops continued as though Goombella hadn't spoken. "Well, Hooktail's reign of terror has gone on for far too long and we knew that someone had to step up. It may as well be us."

"Mm-hm," said the thief with the air of someone sampling a particularly delicious croissant. "You _are _a bold bunch! I think I like you!" She winked. "And because I like you, I'd like to share something with you. Here." She flipped a key into the air, which trilled as it somersaulted toward the crew until Matthew snatched it. He gave it a look.

It was black.

"Yech!" Matthew dropped it as though it was disease-ridden, wiping his hands clean.

"Oh, don't be rude," said Ms. Mowz. "That's a special key that I snatched from around Hooktail's neck. Smells like very special treasure to me, and I'd like you to have it. Believe me when I say I don't give gifts like this very often."

Matthew glanced sharply at her. "But it's..."

With startling speed, Ms. Mowz scurried up the wall and perched on the windowsill. She blew them a kiss and trilled, "Good luck defeating that nasty dragon! I do hope we meet again!"

Koops placed a fist over his heart and declared solemnly, "Worry not for our sakes. We will stop the dragon. And we will meet again, I promise you."

"Adieu!" sang Ms. Mowz and a moment later she vanished out the window.

The three of them stood in silence for a while. Then Koops said thoughtfully, "I wonder where we'll meet her next? She is quite a woman, isn't she?"

Goombella eyes bulged. Then she said loudly, "Koops, you have a girlfriend!"

"Huh?"

Goombella proceeded to give him an earful about fidelity and wandering eyes while poor Koops scratched his head in bewilderment and murmured repeatedly, "Where is th-this coming from?" Matthew, meanwhile, stooped down and with some trepidation picked up the black key again. It did look remarkably similar to the key he had used before, leading to his curse. Would a dragon really hoard a chest with a curse in it? Maybe to trick anyone who tried stealing from him, but then why would he have the key around his neck? It couldn't have been easy to filch it from under his nose. Could it be that this key didn't go to a cursed treasure chest after all?

_I suppose it makes sense, _he told himself. _After all, what are the odds there are _two _cursed treasure chests?_

He pocketed the key, trying not to imagine it contaminating the inside and spreading through him like a dark purple stain. Then he jumped when he heard a voice at the window. "I do have one piece of advice."

Goombella snarled, "Oh, and what does a thief like you have to tell us?"

Ms. Mowz tittered. "Really, dear, you should learn to play nice. You'll have better success in landing a man."

Goombella sputtered, "Wha - how dare you! As if - what do _you_ know? - it's not like-"

The thief tittered again. "Too easy, dear."

Goombella was too frazzled to respond coherently. Taking pity on her, Matthew turned to the Mowzer, "So what's your advice?"

"I hear tell that as fearsome as Hooktail is, he has an Achilles heel that could cripple him significantly, making your quest a breeze. A secret fear."

"A secret fear?" asked Koops. "What is it?"

"Well, if I knew, it wouldn't be a secret, now, would it?" She tittered. "But I have confidence you'll figure it out. You made it this far. Good luck!" With that, she vanished out the window again.


	10. Curses and Dragons

**Chapter 10: Curses and Dragons**

Once they were certain they had given King Koopence's undead army the slip, they started toward the tallest tower, Koops leading the way. Once again, Matthew had a lot to think about, this time about the alleged "secret fear" that Hooktail had that would make defeating him a snap. What would a dragon fear? A mouse? Or was he thinking of an elephant? Maybe it was a more common fear like small spaces or the dark. Then he remembered the first time they had met Hooktail was at night and the only reason they hadn't already been barbecued was because he hadn't seen them, so it wasn't the dark the dragon was afraid of. But what about fire?

The thought made him snort aloud, which only set Goombella off. Apparently, she was still miffed after their encounter with the thief extraordinaire and thought that Matthew was laughing at her. He couldn't get a word in edgewise to tell her that was not it at all, but when Koops attempted to assuage her fury she directed her assault on him instead, which slowed their progress significantly as Koops could not brace himself and lead the way at the same time. Eventually, she ran out of steam, though her face had taken on an impressive shade of red, and Koops took the opportunity to hurry them on toward the stairs that would take them higher.

Landing after landing they climbed, and the higher they went, the more stairs they encountered. The exertion was exhausting though Matthew refrained from complaining that King Koopence should have installed elevators for two reasons: one, he did not like to think of himself as spoiled, lazy, and entitled, and two, Goombella would no doubt chew his head off for daring to suggest sullying the history of the castle by having modern conveniences installed. Then again, from the way she was gasping for breath, she may have been ready to embrace the future with open arms (if she had any) that would spare her this torture.

Suddenly, he paused. Goombella flopped down next to him, thinking he had stopped for a break. Koops ahead of them heard the sound and turned. "A-are you guys, all right?"

"Just a minute," Matthew answered. He waved his finger. "What is that sound?"

Clang clunk bang crash.

The three of them looked up the stairs in puzzlement. It sounded like something metal being repeatedly smashed against the ground. It couldn't be Hooktail because it wasn't loud enough. Was there someone else in the castle?

Then Matthew pointed up. "Look out!"

Something appeared at the top of the stairs and started coming down. Clang clunk bang crash! It tumbled down the steps, a big metal block that reminded Matthew of someone riding inside a clothes basket, unknowingly heading toward his mother and the grounding of a lifetime, though from the racket it was making it was considerably heavier. Karma had gone all out for this one.

"Look out!" Koops cried and threw himself past Matthew and on top of Goombella, using himself as a shield. Goombella screamed though whether from indignation or fright, it was hard to say. Matthew braced himself.

Clang clunk oof! He caught the block though it knocked the breath out of him and his joints screamed bloody murder. It was heavy all right. So heavy it was actually pushing him down the stairs. With a grunt of effort, he took a step down and allowed it to roll to the step in front of him so he could push it back where it had more area to rest on.

"All right, Koops, you can get off me now," said Goombella, shoving him roughly away. Then she said, "Wow, Matthew, you're a lot stronger than you look. Do you work out?"

"At school in P.E.," Matthew replied, rolling his shoulders and grimacing. Those were going to hurt something awful in the morning.

"Wh-what is that anyways?" Koops stammered, wringing his hands as he stared at the block. "Some sort of t-trap?"

"A trap?" cried the block. "What trap? Who said anything about a trap?"

The three of them yelped and leaped into the air, coming back down in a sort of confused dance as they tried not to trip down the stairs.

"You again!" Matthew cried, realizing in an instant that the block was actually a treasure chest, black and with the same design as the last one.

"_Me _again? Wait, have we met before?"

"Your friend cursed me!"

"They did? That's terrible! Er, I mean, why would they do that?"

"You tell me. He gives me this sob story about being trapped in his box for a thousand years so I release him and then he goes and curses me!"

"Ah! Um, well… you've got to understand, being trapped in a box for a thousand or so years can drive one a little bit nuts, and he's got to take his frustration out on someone. It's really nothing personal. You seem like a really nice guy."

"Sure," said Matthew a little begrudgingly though he was beginning to wonder if maybe he was being too quick to judge.

There was a pause and then the box spoke. "So, uh… is it all right if you… you know… let me out?"

Goombella burst out, "What! Do you think we're crazy? One curse is bad enough! What makes you think we'd fall for the same trick twice? You deserve to rot in there for the rest of eternity, you vapid thing of gas!"

"Oh, come on! That's not fair!" whined the box. "You really think I deserve to be in here? I mean, I can see why you'd be wary, but do I really deserve to be judged for what my friends did? You really think I'd curse you? You deserve better than that, I know you do. In fact, if you let me out, I swear I will do whatever you ask me to do. I can help you!"

"Talk to the ponytail," Goombella said with a haughty toss of her head as she made her way up the steps. "Come on, Matthew. Koops. We've got a Crystal Star to find."

The box's tune changed. "Whoa, wait. Did you say, 'Crystal Star'? As in, the one guarded by Hooktail, the meanest, scariest dragon?"

"That's none of your concern!" the Goomba girl snapped. "Come on, Matthew! What are you waiting for?"

Seized by an impulse, Matthew asked the box, "You wouldn't happen to know Hooktail's secret fear, would you?"

"Matthew!" Goombella cried at the same time the box responded cheerfully, "Well, sure! After spending a few hundred years with the obnoxious lizard, how could I not? Trust me, you're going to laugh when you hear what it is."

Matthew waited for the secret. When the box didn't give it to him, he cleared his throat and said, "Well?"

"Oh, wait, you want me to tell you now?"

Matthew was a little bemused. "Well… yeah."

"Oh, er… I just thought… you know… we had an agreement. You scratch my back, I scratch yours? You let me out and I whisper his secret fear in your ear? It's a secret for a reason, you know. If he knew I told you then… well, I'd skedaddle if I could but in my current predicament…"

Matthew considered the box's words. _I guess it makes sense_, he thought. Not daring to share a secret in case the dragon came back for revenge. He'd be afraid, too. And this one sounded decent – even a little pathetic, not like the last box that had only used flattery on him. _And if someone trapped me in a box for a thousand years, I'd like someone to let me out. And it'd be just cruel not to help just because his friend was a jerk. I mean, would I want someone to leave me trapped in a box for a thousand years based on a suspicion?_

Goombella barked, "Don't tell me you're actually falling for it again, Matthew?"

Matthew pulled out the black key from his pocket.

"MATTHEW!"

Ignoring the feeling in his gut that he was making a huge mistake (which he thought was simply a reaction to Goombella's shrill voice), he inserted the key into the keyhole and twisted.

It happened just like before. The key shrieked in agony, the chest blasted open with a jet of inky blackness, and a glowing face appeared before him.

"Eeh hee hee!" it cackled jubilantly, "That was too easy! Sucker! I can see how they managed to fool you!"

Matthew was too shocked for words. Fooled again? Was he really that big of a sucker?

"_You scratch my back and I scratch yours_? Hah! No, you scratched my back so now I'm going to curse yours! Here it comes!"

There was a flash of light and a crack of thunder and Matthew fell to the ground, screaming in pain.

"Ooh!" squealed the face gleefully. "Felt that, did you? Now let me add insult to injury by telling you exactly what this curse does to you. Have you ever played that game where you skip over the cracks in a sidewalk? Well, this curse takes it to a whole new level! You step on any crack and you'll slip right through it, _whee hee hee_! This even works on cracks in walls!"

Matthew felt faint. _Fall through cracks? That was worse than the _last _curse!_

"_Whee hee hee_! Oh, that was just too pathetically easy! I'll tell you what, just because you're so gullible, I'll tell you that secret fear of Hooktail's. You ready? It's…"

But Matthew wasn't really listening. This was twice he had been fooled. Twice his good intentions had backfired on him and in a most devastating way. He had always been taught that kindness begat kindness – that a good deed was always rewarded – so what was this?

"_Whee hee hee!_ Did you get all that?"

"I got it," Matthew replied heavily.

"Good! Enjoy your curse, you gullible, gullible fool! _Whee hee hee_!" With a whoosh, the glowing face disappeared and the inky darkness dissipated. Just before the last wisp of the darkness vanished, the face taunted, "Don't step on a crack or you'll fall and never come back! _Whee hee hee_!" And then Matthew was gazing into his companion's faces, Koops's horror-stricken and Goombella's scornful. She opened her mouth.

"Yes, yes, I know!" Matthew snapped irritably. "I should have known better and it serves me right."

"I wasn't going to say _that_!" Goombella protested. "I mean, yes, you should have known better but really you shouldn't be punished for helping out a guy, even if he is a complete jerk…"

"He d-did seem pretty sincere," Koops offered. "I would have done it…"

Matthew sighed. "Well… lesson learned, I guess. Never trust a talking box."

"And hey," said Goombella, bouncing right back into her usual cheer, "the next one we find, we push down some stairs. What do you say?"

"That's assuming there's another one," Matthew told her, which some premonition told him was possible, considering his luck. He moved around the box and up the stairs toward his friends, keeping a watchful eye out for cracks on the way.

Koops bobbed his head. "We're getting close to Hookt-tail, g-guys. I've got a feeling in my tail."

"Close," of course, meant going up a long set of steps that led to a landing within a tower, which transitioned immediately to another set of steps – this one in a tight spiral – which led to a bridge, which became a set of broad sweeping stairs, which led right up to an enormous set of double doors set inside a giant tower, capped with a giant onion-shaped dome…

"We're here," Matthew hiccupped. It was a strangled sort of gasp that came from recognizing the tower from his vision while trying to make an understatement at the same time. The combination didn't work out well for drama. The imposing size of the tower and the thought of the dragon waiting inside, however, more than made up for his misstep as evident by Koops's trembling and Goombella's hyperventilating.

Matthew swallowed with difficulty. Then he smiled weakly and squeaked out with false cheer, "So… what's the plan?"

Goombella sucked in a huge breath. Then she wheezed out, "This was your idea, Matthew. _You _come up with the plan."

Koops's stutter came out all the worse for his trembling, "W-w-what ab-b-bout his s-s-s-s-secret f-f-fear?"

"Hmm…" Matthew bit his lip to look thoughtful, which was really a way to keep it from quivering as his usual habit for thinking was to close his eyes. It was a good thing because then he noticed the door was ajar and an idea popped into his head. _Maybe we can find out his secret fear if we spy in on him first. _So he tiptoed to the doors and peered through the opening. He nearly gasped aloud.

Piled high from floor to ceiling around the spacious tower were mountains of treasure. Gold, silver, rubies, sapphires and emeralds were all here and then some – gold statues too heavy for one greedy thief to abscond, scepters cluttered with fine jewels like a rainbow-sprinkle peppermint stick, silver abacuses with the beads replaced by gems, silver astrolabes rimmed with gold, and countless other devices fashioned from precious metals and stones. It was like a garage sale for the outlandishly wealthy.

He beckoned his friends over, "Hey, guys! Take a look at this!" They came over somewhat cautiously, but only because Matthew seemed so excited, and they took a peek. Both jaws dropped.

"That's…" Koops breathed.

Goombella started bouncing with excitement. "That's got to be all the treasure of every king that's ever lived! That dragon's been hoarding them and it's all here!"

How quickly their caution gave way to greed! Forgetting all about the dragon that made its lair here, the three of them all charged inside and pounced on the gold, shoveling as much of it as they could into their pockets. Matthew actually had to clean out his own pockets first, tossing the dried-up shrooms, the letter to MAR, and the magical map, to make room for the diamonds. Then his fingers wrapped around something strange. He pulled it out and gave it a look.

It was the wind-up cricket that Merlon had given him back at Schhwonk Fortress. _"I don't think it was by mistake that the dragon left this behind," _he had said. And suddenly the truth hit Matthew square in the gut, leaving him breathless. _Could this cricket… could it be Hooktail's secret fear?_

Over the sound of gold coins clinking against each other as they scrambled over the treasure mountain, none of them heard the whoosh of leather wings beating the air toward them. They did, however, notice when the room suddenly darkened. They turned to the window and all three of them peed their pants when they saw the dragon perched on the sill.

"Aha!" Hooktail snarled, his giant nostrils flaring and expelling smoke that coiled above his head. "Got a couple of dirty Mowzers scurrying about in my tower and stealing my treasure! You're going to regret that."

With a harrowing scream, Goombella scrambled toward a golden statue of a fat Koopa and ducked behind it. Koops gulped and tucked himself into his shell. Matthew simply stood there, staring at the great red beast, his mind spinning gears that weren't attached to anything.

The dragon chuckled at their fright and then said, "Ah-hum! Now this is interesting! Koopas and Goombas I've had before, but humans are such a rare treat! Where are you from, little guy?"

Matthew croaked out something indiscernible that was meant to be an "uh." The dragon tapped his claws against the wall and said, "You going to tell me anytime soon or shall I just eat you?"

"Eat!" Matthew burst out. "Um, no! I'm from Weston – a small town, nothing special…"

"Weston, I see." Hooktail licked his chops and growled with pleasure. "How do you get there?"

Somehow, a little sheepishness crept into his fear and he answered, "I, uh, don't know… exactly…"

The dragon frowned and gave Matthew a skeptical look. "You don't know? How can you not know? Are you lost?"

Matthew shrugged. "Well, kinda… I mean, I don't know exactly how I got here, but I have a map that brought me here, and uh… well, we came here on purpose…"

"Hmph!" the dragon snorted, sending out a plume of fire that knocked Matthew backward with its heat. "Guess there's no reason to keep you alive, in that case. Now hold still…"

Matthew didn't hold still. He scrambled for the nearest hill to hide him from Hooktail's line of sight though he knew that it wouldn't save him. He had to run for the doors! But the pile of coins was slick and he wound up falling a lot. His chest was fit to burst so he clutched it only to poke himself with the cricket in his hand.

There was a heavy flump and the musical clinking of a coin shower. The dragon had dropped into the tower. "Hmm, I should think about this first though," his voice rumbled. "I can't just gobble up such a rare delicacy. Shall I broil him to a fine golden brown? Or flambe him? But maybe I should eat him last. I've got a Koopa and a Goomba, too, and you can't just chase down something so delectable with a more common palate. It's unheard of!"

Matthew saw the doors and the small gap between them whispering promises of freedom and safety to him. Then Hooktail plodded in front of the doors and pushed them shut.

"There we go," he chuckled. "Don't want my little morsels escaping. And now for a little game of hide-and-seek. Ready or not, here I come!"

Matthew clutched the jade cricket in a white-knuckled grip. They weren't going to get out of here alive. The ground was too slick for running and their only way out had been closed. But if Merlon and Ms. Mowz was right, they did have one last chance.

The cricket shook in his hand while he reached with the other one for the key in its back. He fumbled with it as he twisted, sometimes losing it in one hand and then the other, the cricket spinning beneath the key as he held it. It was like trying to put together a puzzle with a blindfold on, but with his very life at stake, he pushed doggedly on.

Then the dragon thrust his head around the hill and he smiled, revealing some frighteningly sharp teeth. "Found you!"

A silent scream burst out of Matthew's throat and he thrust forward the cricket as one might hold a cross before a vampire. The key in its back turned.

And the sound of crickets chirping issued forth as clear as crystal.

Hooktail's transformation was startling. He leaped backward with a roar, "Oh, yuck, yuck, yuck! Where'd you get that? Stop it! Stop that disgusting chirping, you're making me… urgh!"

"It's crickets!" Matthew yelled. "Hooktail's afraid of crickets!" He scrambled from behind his pile toward the dragon, holding the wind-up cricket high.

"I'm not _afraid _of them!" Hooktail growled, placing his claws over his ears. "I just can't stand them! Their shiny bodies, that sickeningly sweet taste, the way they squish in your teeth! Ugh! And that sound! So loud! So annoying! Trust me, you eat an entire field of them in one sitting and you'll regret it!"

"Good!" Matthew declared defiantly. "Then, uh… where is the Crystal Star?"

"Stop that noise! Stop it! I can't stand it! I'm gonna be sick!"

Koops coasted to a stop next to Matthew. He lifted his chin in defiance as he yelled, "Hooktail, you abominable dragon! Tell me what happened to my dad!"

Hooktail roared angrily, "You turn that thing off right now, or I will roast you all to cinders! I'm warning you!"

Matthew said, "I will if you tell us…" Then he noticed an odd feeling in his legs. Like he was sinking into quicksand. He glanced down and gave a yelp of fright when he saw his legs were being squeezed together like rags being sucked into vacuum hoses as they sank into the seams between the coins. He leaped out of it, sending up a spray of gold, and in his panic tossed the wind-up cricket. Falling onto his back, he saw it sail backward through the air, and then he heard the musical "tink" as it hit the coins and vanished. The cricket's chirping instantly ceased.

His throat squeezed tight. He gulped and said, "Uh-oh."

Hooktail tentatively lifted his claws off of his ears. When he realized the obnoxious chirping had stopped, he placed his claws on the ground and lifted himself upright. He glared at Koops, who was trembling again, and then at Matthew, who was scrambling to his feet before he could sink into the coins again.

"Now you've gone and ruined my appetite," he growled. "And I'll make sure you live long enough to regret it. I can't eat you now with my stomach so queasy but once I'm feeling better, I'll make you the tastiest meal I've ever had. Until then, let's get to know each other, hm?" He reached out his arm and swept out a large pile of the coins to the doors, piling it up until the doors were completely buried. "And no one's leaving until then."

"M-M-Matthew?" stuttered Koops, clutching his head. "Wh-wh-what do we d-d-d-do?"

Matthew had absolutely no idea. There was no escape. The dragon had buried the doors beneath another mountain of gold. The giant windows only led to a straight drop of a hundred or so feet, meters, whatever units of measurements they used here…

"Actually," Matthew whispered to Koops as an idea struck him. "There's another way out. We've got to get to the windows."

"B-but I can't climb. And it's 300 meters to the bottom… oh, your curse!"

"Exactly. We should be able to glide away from here before Hooktail knows what's going on! Where's Goombella?"

"Now then," said the dragon, crossing his arms and resting his head on them. He was apparently serious about getting to know them. "What do you think of my collection? No one else has a collection quite like mine, don't you think?"

"Oh, uh…" Matthew shook his head to clear it. "I've never seen so much treasure in all my life." He said more loudly, "How about you, Goombella?"

She didn't answer… not directly at least, though he did hear her hiss, "_Are you kidding me? What do you think you are doing? You trying to get us all killed?_" She wasn't anywhere in sight, still trying to hide from the dragon.

"She could probably tell you some pretty interesting history about all these different treasures," he added a little more loudly.

"_I will not! I will not! I will not! And what is that even supposed to mean? What makes him think that dragon even cares about history?"_

"Just get over here, Goombella!" Matthew snapped.

She heaved out a sigh from behind the golden Koopa and then shuffled out. She crept hesitantly forward, her expression clearly showing how much she wanted to run. When at last she reached Matthew and Koops, she hissed, "_I hope you have a plan!_"

Matthew clapped her on the back. "Goombella here can tell you all about your treasures: where it came from, when it was made, who had it last, who fought who for it - all that fascinating stuff."

Hooktail yawned. "Ahh, doesn't really fascinate me. It's just a hobby I picked up one day. Once my stomach settles, I'll eat you all and savor every bite." He licked his chops and grinned.

Matthew's stomach turned a somersault. "Uh, right. Still, a bit of education never hurt anyone. Hey, what about that statue over there?" He pointed to the largest that was closest to the window. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Koops telling Goombella the plan. Her face was white.

She swallowed audibly. "R… right. The Gilded Shell… uh, let's go see it… shall we?" She shakily led the way up the hill toward the statue. Hooktail narrowed his eyes suspiciously but said nothing as he shuffled behind them to take a look at the giant gold shell encrusted with rubies, sapphires, and emeralds.

"C-c-commissioned by Buwuwl des Collines after his victory over Koopani the Unconquerable, it was made to represent the unity of the people of Collines. Buwuwl is famous for his quote, 'The enemy brought us together and together we shall stay.' It stood as the centerpiece in the town square until it was taken by the invading northern Snow Clubbas thirty years after his death."

"Uh-huh," said Hooktail with a roll of his eyes.

"Hey, I think I see another fascinating bit of treasure over there," Matthew announced, pointing to just below the window. After pulling his legs out of the coins again, he waded over.

Hooktail's eyes narrowed. "Hey, wait a minute. You're not trying to escape out the window, are you?"

"Out the window, are you crazy?" cried Matthew. His friends joined him, all of them trying not to look out the window. Matthew plunged his hand into the coins and fished for something interesting to pull out. "That's a long way to fall, wouldn't you say? Whoosh, splat, ouch. Need I say more?"

"Hmm," replied the dragon, still frowning suspiciously. He glanced down. "What's going on with your legs?"

Matthew hopped out. "Oh, right. Funny story, really. See, we came across this treasure chest and, wouldn't you know it, it turned out to be cursed."

"WHAT?"

Matthew was a bit stunned by Hooktail's dramatic reaction, but then an idea popped into his head. "Yeah, now I fall into cracks and…"

Hooktail wasn't listening. He clawed at his neck. "The key! It's gone! But how?"

Now Matthew was confused. "Key? What key…?" Then he remembered Ms. Mowz. She had given him a key that she claimed to have snatched from a dragon's neck. Hooktail's neck.

Oh.

With a roar of fury, Hooktail dropped to his haunches and advanced on the three of them. "_You _took the key, didn't you? I don't know how you did it, but you somehow swiped the key from me and let out that cursed Toad's spirit." He forced them back to the very edge of the window's ledge, forcing them to lean back.

"Um, Toad?" Matthew said, whose gears had once again come loose

"Thanks to you, now I've got a spirit to find and put back. You are going to make it up to me by giving me the strength I need to go looking."

Matthew grabbed Koops's hand and Goombella's ponytail. Koops squeezed his hand for reassurance. Goombella was quaking too hard to protest.

"My stomach is settled so I'll go ahead and eat you now," he grinned. "Bon appetite!"

"JUMP!" Matthew screamed and the three of them leaped out the window.

…

The sky was turning a beautiful shade of indigo with a streak of rose on the horizon where the sun was just touching it. The scent of grass permeated the air, generously distributed by the sleepy breeze.

It came full awake though when it caught wind of the three adventurers leaping out of a window from the tallest tower of the largest castle. With a shriek of glee, it swooped in on the three and started tormenting them, jabbing their eyes, tugging their hair and swiping their clothes. The three weren't too bothered by its mischief, though. No, they were more concerned about the dragon that was coming out of the tower right behind them.

"Get back here!" he roared, launching himself off the tower. His leathery wings spread out with a snap and he swooshed after the escaping adventurers.

Thanks to Matthew's curse (and he meant it sincerely), they were carried along the wind away from the castle. Matthew pulled up his legs to avoid crashing into the crenellations of the castle walls (as his were the longest) and then it was open sky. He might have enjoyed it, too, except there was that overbearing whoosh of leathery wings flapping behind them, which managed to drown out the sounds of his friends' screaming in his ears.

"You won't get away from me!" roared Hooktail.

Matthew realized that the dragon was right. At this rate, he would catch up to the them, snap them out of the air and then wheel right around for home… oh, right, he had a spirit to catch, but that was beside the point. The young adventurer had to think of a way to escape the dragon—distract him or… wait!

"Crickets!" he screamed above the rush of the wind and the fwoosh of the dragon's wings. "Think big, juicy crickets! Shiny black bodies! The way they squish in your teeth! Chirrup!" His imitation of a cricket's chirp was terrible, but he hoped the message would be enough.

"What's he saying?" Goombella yelled to Koops dangling next to her.

"Crickets!" Koops answered. "Think crickets!"

So she whistled in an amazing imitation of a cricket's chirp, and together the three of them conjured up images of Hooktail's most sickening meal.

"No!" he roared angrily. "Stop! Stop it right now or I'll…"

"Hundreds of crickets! A sea of shiny, black crickets! Yum yum!"

"Th-there they are! A whole f-field of them! A m-meal fit for a d-dragon!"

"Chirrup!"

"I'm warning you!" the dragon bellowed. "You say one more word and—ugh—I'll roast you! Oooh…"

But the three adventurers did not relent. "Feel the way they bounce in your tummy! Round and round they go! Down your esophagus and into your stomach, swimming round and round in your stomach acids…"

"Your stomach's f-fit to burst! Th-they're sliding down your th-throat and sp-sp-splashing in your stomach. How c-can you fit any m-more?"

"Chirrup!"

"ENOUGH!"

At last, they did relent, but only because they all saw something coming out of the dark toward them: the spindly silhouette of a tree.

"Look out!" they all screamed.

"Huh?" said Hooktail.

Crash. The three of them became tangled in the branches. CRASH. The dragon speared through the branches, swatting them straight out of the tree and toward the ground. They were almost flattened by Hooktail as he was falling with them but were saved by the very thing that had given the dragon his fearsome name: his hooked tail. It hooked into the trunk of the tree and pulled him short, bringing him crashing to the ground while Matthew and his companions drifted safely down a short distance away.

"Ooog," moaned the dragon from his awkward position, tree branches scattered about him. "I don't feel too good."

"Crickets," Matthew piped up.

"Ugh!" Hooktail tensed, his body coiling. "Oog!" And then he threw up, sending a tide of dragon sick washing over them.

"ICK!" Goombella screamed, hopping between her feet.

"Ugh," Koops held out his arms, letting the sick drip off.

"Ouch!" In the wash of the puke, two things slammed into Matthew's shin - one that shone with the brilliant luster of a diamond and the other like a large green boulder-causing him to hop on his foot while he clutched his bruised ankle.

Then the green boulder spoke, "Ho ho! Sorry about that!" A head and two arms and legs popped out of it and then it leaped to its feet.

The dragon raised his head in alarm and he hiccupped, "Hic! You!"

Koops's eyes bulged. "Dad?"

Koops's dad, for he was the green boulder that had slammed into Matthew's shin, spun around and declared, "Yep, me! I bet you didn't expect to see me again, did you? I've been keeping nice and cozy in your stomach by staying tucked in my shell for the past three years… or was it four? Regardless, thanks to these three here, now I'll be having my revenge!"

Matthew, Goombella, and Koops, all gaped in astonishment at this unexpected turn of events. Koops's dad then scooped up the diamond, lifted it into the air and declared, "Remember this?"

Goombella gasped and then kicked Matthew's shin. "Hey, Matthew! Isn't that the…"

Matthew hopped on his foot while clutching his shin again as he squeaked, "What was that for?"

Meanwhile, Koops's dad waved the diamond. "You almost had me when you swallowed both me and this little talisman. Never could find it in the dark pit of your stomach, especially in the stomach acids; otherwise, I would have just wished to have your stomach turned inside-out."

The three adventurers blanched at the thought. Hooktail turned green.

Koops's dad grinned. "But I have it now, which means it's time for your comeuppance… fourteen years overdue."

Hooktail began to whimper. "No, please, have mercy…"

Koops's dad raised his diamond talisman high. "Little magic star! I wish for Hooktail to be banished to somewhere far away and let everything he eats taste like crickets!"

Hooktail howled, "No! No! Anything but that! No!" But it was too late. The diamond star flashed, blinding everyone looking at it, and the ground rumbled. Then another sound swelled above the rumbling. A cacophonous chorus of sweet trilling that seemed to choke out the night sky and bore into the ears of all listening. The chorus of crickets.

"Stop! Stop! Mercy! Mercyyyyy!" Hooktail thrashed violently, cracking the tree in half. With it still attached to his hooked tail, he spun around and took to the air. The hasty beat of his leather wings carried him far into the night until the only sound left was the unholy choir of the crickets.

"That should be good enough," said Koops's dad with a chuckle. He gave his talisman a shake and the trilling died. Then he turned to the staring trio and said, "Well, I guess I owe you three a debt of gratitude. If it weren't for you, I'd still be slowly digesting in that lizard's belly. Put 'er there!" He thrust out his hand, a big hand that had obviously done some hard work in the past. Matthew glanced at Koops, who was struck dumb, and then to his dad, who he realized with a start was looking at _him_, so he tentatively took the Koopa's hand.

"A mighty fine pleasure to meet such brave fellows!" bellowed Koops's dad as he shook Matthew around like a limp noodle. "I must admit, though, I never expected _you_ would attempt such a reckless venture, Koops," He turned squarely to face his son.

Koops ducked his head. "I, uh… well, see Dad…"

"I'm so proud of you!" The burly Koopa grabbed his son's shoulders and pulled him into a bear hug. "My son, taking on the feared Hooktail! Why your name will go down in history, son! Koops the Dragonslayer!"

"B-b-but I hardly did anything!" Koops cried. "It was Matthew who saved our tails. If it weren't for him, we'd all be dead."

Matthew blushed. "Oh, uh, it was nothing, really," He tried hard not to feel too pleased.

Goombella kicked his shin. "Sure, but don't go getting a swelled head. It was Koops's dad here who chased off the dragon in the end."

"Was that _really _necessary?" Matthew snapped, holding his shin.

Goombella cringed. "Sorry."

Koops's dad laughed. "I'm sure good, old Petalburg will give you _all _a hero's welcome! Let's not keep them waiting, eh?" He raised the diamond star into the air. "Little, magic star, I wish for you to take us back to Petalburg!"

With a flash and a musical tinkling, the star did just that. It wasn't long before the citizens gathered around them to see what had happened. Koops's dad quickly filled them in on Hooktail's demise.

"Thanks to these three, he won't be coming back," he declared. "Petalburg can now live in peace."

"Did I hear that right? Hooktail is gone?" croaked the old Koopa mayor. "Why that's the best durn news I've heard in ten years!" He whooped and started waving his cane in the air while doing some sort of shaky jig. When he finished, he cried out, "As mayor of this town, I hereby declare today to be a national holiday! Murphy and Delilah Day! Oh, and Koops, too."

The cheer that followed was thunderous and the party thereafter the wildest Matthew had ever been to—never mind that he didn't go to many. It was well deserved for it was the first major step in their quest to rescue Princess Peach from the mysterious and sinister X-nauts. And once they got the Crystal Star—the diamond star that Koops's dad had used to chase away Hooktail—they would be one step closer to finding her… wherever she was…


	11. Princess Peach and TEC

**Chapter 11: Princess Peach and TEC**

Far, far away in a barren land of white rock and deep craters was a mighty fortress of glass and steel – an impenetrable bastion well equipped to repulse intruders with its twelve-inch thick walls, many laser turrets, and steel gates that opened only to those with proper identification. On top of that, a giant glass dome encased it with only one entrance vigilantly guarded by an unseen sentry.

Deep within the fortress itself, down many twisting corridors, its walls riddled with pipes, wires, blinking lights and automated doors was the holding cell where the princess was kept. The walls were dull gray steel and the only adornments they had were the wires and pipes running along them. The room was lit by glass panels in the ceiling, which was distinctly artificial – no warmth at all. There was only one piece of furniture in the room and that was the steel cot padded lightly with a foam mat and dressed with a single pillow and a cotton blanket. This was definitely a prison.

Princess Peach sat at the edge of the cot, gazing bleakly at her furnishings. She had tried to keep herself positive since she had been put in here three days ago. The room was of decent size and there was even a separate shower room off to the side, but the lack of warmth had gradually dragged her spirits down.

She sighed, "Well, it seems I've really landed myself in a sticky situation, this time. Kidnapped again, taken to who-knows-where, with no one to keep me company. At least, with Bowser I was relatively comfortable."

She thought back to the first day when she had been brought here by the strange, round characters in the funny suits. She had been blindfolded most of the way and when they did take her blindfold off she was in a place so alien it left her speechless. A great room made completely out of metal tile except for an aisle that lit up one panel at a time as they made their way forward toward a blocky construction riddled with blinking lights that she thought might have been a throne, especially seeing that there was someone sitting in it.

They stopped before the person in the throne. Her captors on either side of her crossed their arms over their chests in salute and the one on her left declared, "We have brought the girl as you commanded, Sir Grodus."

"So I see," said Sir Grodus. His voice came out oddly – a sort of metallic vibration layered over a harsh voice – perhaps because he was a machine himself. His head was made of glass with gears, pistons, and lights clicking away inside. Thick goggles served as his eyes. The bulk of his body was swathed in a thick purple cloak. In his hand, he carried a scepter with a glass ball at its head containing more gears, pistons, and lights. He stood up from the throne and approached the princess.

"Tell me where it is," he sneered at her.

She looked away and asked, "What are you talking about?"

"Do _not _play games with me!" he snapped, striking his scepter on the ground. Princess Peach flinched. "I do not tolerate idiocy!"

"Really, I don't know what you're talking about!" she cried.

"The map, you stupid girl! I'm talking about the map! Where is it?"

The princess was flustered. She had never encountered anyone so harsh before. "What map? What do you want with it?"

Sir Grodus swooped around her and thrust his scepter beneath her chin. He said with barely controlled rage, "If you value your life you will tell me where that map is."

She could only wonder why he would want the map so badly. Where exactly did it lead and what would happen if he got his hands on it?

She said bravely, "You can do what you want with me, but I won't answer you until you tell me why you want it so badly. Where does it lead?"

"Hmph!" snorted Sir Grodus. He took a step back and glowered at her. "You think you're brave, girl? You will soon see that I am not to be trifled with. Maybe you don't fear for your safety, but what about your friends?"

"What?"

"TEC!" Sir Grodus barked, glancing up at the ceiling. "Do we have an X-naut in position?"

"Affirmative, sir," replied an electronic voice.

"Bring up the image. I want the girl to see him."

Seemingly from out of the air itself, a window flickered into existence. On its surface, she saw the house of the old Goomba professor who had taken her in after she had been attacked. Through the window of the house, she could see the professor pacing in front of the window – no doubt worried sick for her and waiting for her to return. She gasped in alarm.

Sir Grodus's voice was dangerously low, "One word from me and the old Goomba will meet a most unpleasant end if you do not tell me where the map is… NOW!"

"All right! All right! I'll tell you! Just don't hurt him!" the princess cried, "I sent it through the mail to the Mushroom Kingdom!"

"Where is it?"

"Across the sea! I sent it to Mario's address!"

Sir Grodus whipped around and addressed one of his cronies, "Go to the post office and find that address. I want you to find that map before it reaches that fool; otherwise, he must be exterminated."

Princess Peach gasped. "No! How could you, you… you heartless monster!"

Sir Grodus thrust his scepter at her threateningly. "SILENCE! You have provided me with the information I need, so there is no reason for you to speak further! X-nauts!" He slammed his scepter against the ground, bringing them to full attention. "I want you to take her to the holding cell. And make sure that she is properly fed and cared for. We will need her later on."

"Yes, sir!" they cried, and immediately they escorted her from the room and down the twisting corridors into strange rooms where they came in from one set of hallways and came out again into different ones though it always seemed to be downward they were going, until at last they came to the holding cell, and there she stayed for three days.

She sniffed. "Oh, I do hope Mario's okay. If those horrible things haven't gotten to the map before he… oh!" She broke into tears. "Oh, Mario! I'm so frightened! I don't know what to do! I wish… oh, I wish I… c-could see you… again!"

Then she heard the hiss of her cell door sliding open. "Oh!" she exclaimed and hurriedly wiped her eyes. She hadn't realized it was time for her meal and she didn't want her captors to see her crying.

But no one came through the door. The hall beyond was empty.

"H-hello?" she hiccupped and sniffed. "Is… is anyone there?" She approached the door and looked out into the hall, but it was too dark to see clearly.

"Oh!" she cried again when the lights clunked on, lighting up the hallway. She cautiously ventured out, half expecting a guard to jump out and shoo her back into her cell, but still the hall remained empty.

"I wonder what's going on?" she said softly to herself. She took several steps forward and paused. Then after building up her courage, she took a few more steps forward.

She gasped as the door hissed shut behind her and then the light directly above her clunked off. The lights ahead of her remained on as though to beckon her forward.

"Guess there's no other choice now," she murmured to herself. "The only way is forward."

Her heart fluttering nervously, she started walking. As she did, the lights behind her shut off, preventing her from seeing her way back while ahead of her light after light turned on, guiding her way.

"Hmm…" she murmured. "It seems as if I'm being guided somewhere. Could someone be helping me to escape?"

Bolstered by this thought, she quickened her pace. The lights behind her began turning off faster, prompting her to move faster, until it was as though she was being chased by the darkness. Now she ran through the corridors, following the lights as they twisted around corners and down stairs.

Until at last, she ran into a room sparkling with multicolored lights that beeped and clicked like a chorus of noisy, mechanical crickets. She came to a stop, gasping for breath, as she realized with despair that she had run into a dead end.

Then an electronic voice spoke, "The subject has arrived. Let us begin."

The princess gasped, "Wha-? Who's there?"

The electronic voice answered, "My designation number is TEC-XX004793. To save time, many call me simply TEC. I am the central computer that controls the operations of this entire facility."

"TEC…" She gasped in recognition, "You're the one who was spying on Professor Frankly!"

"The aged Goomba, correct."

"What do you want from me?"

"One of my primary functions is to gather data. Your capture is an opportunity for me to compile a database on the human species. I have much data concerning the traits and behaviors of your species, but now it can all be confirmed by primary sources. That is the reason why I led you here."

"So you're saying that you want to know more about us humans?" she asked suspiciously. "Why?"

"One of my primary functions is to gather data," TEC responded. "That is the reason I was created."

"And what makes you think I would help you 'gather data' on us humans?" she said, frowning and crossing her arms.

Lights flickered on, drawing her attention to a wall covered in windows, which all began to depict the same scene: Professor Frankly at the window of his house, scribbling in a book. TEC answered her, "If you do not comply, the aged Goomba you call Professor Frankly will suffer."

"Oh, you horrible machine!" She burst into tears. "Why can't you people just leave him alone?" She dropped to her knees as she sobbed.

There was a whirr and a click. Then TEC said, "This response is unusual. My data shows threatening the safety of close companions yields desirable results at 100%. Adjusting success rate to 98.48%." After a second of whirring, a cheerful "ping!" resounded in the room. Then TEC spoke, "You are crying, correct?"

"Wha-?" Princess Peach looked up in astonishment.

"Humans are unique in their ability to create an excess of saline fluid called tears from 'tear glands' located above their eyes, resulting in the phenomenon known as crying. This is usually the result of pain, distress or happiness. Are you happy?"

"Wha- NO, I'M NOT HAPPY!" she burst out in frustration. "I couldn't be further from 'happy'! I've been taken against my will, treated like an animal, had threats made on my friends, and now I've got some computer who wants me to tell him about us humans!" She hissed through her teeth as she fought to bring her temper under control.

There was a whirr and a click. Then TEC spoke, "How unusual. The increase in your volume appears to be affecting my processors the same way as when Sir Grodus speaks at full volume. This merits further investigation. You will help me in this."

"And what makes you think I'll help you?" demanded the princess. "You can't just bully me around and expect me to do everything you demand."

"But it is imperative that I have the most current and accurate data, and as a primary source you are invaluable to this end," said TEC. Princess Peach could almost swear there was a tone of desperation in the electronic voice. "There must be a way to enlist your cooperation. Perhaps an exchange?"

"An exchange?" said Princess Peach suspiciously. "Like what?"

"What do you desire?"

Princess Peach thought about it for two seconds. "To escape from here."

TEC replied immediately, "Out of the question. That is expressly forbidden by Sir Grodus. Is there anything else you would be willing to offer your cooperation for?"

She thought about it for a little longer. At last, she said, "Well... maybe if there was a way to send a message to my friends and let them know I'm all right. Your thugs took my Mailbox SP..."

"That can be arranged," TEC interrupted. "I am equipped to send messages to any electronic mailbox. Simply give me the recipient, the mailbox ID number, and the message to be sent. I will warn you, however, that I will be screening your message to ensure no sensitive information is being sent, even if it is coded."

Princess Peach said in surprise, "Uh… oh! Well, I don't know the mailbox ID number… what is that exactly?"

"If you do not know the number, I can simply scan your device for any recent contacts. I will do that now."

The princess wasn't entirely sure what TEC had just said but a fluttering in her heart told her that maybe, just maybe, this machine was going to help her, so she kept quiet while he, uh, "scanned her device," whatever that meant.

There was a "ping!" and then TEC said, "Scan complete. Found one message sent five days ago to MSP002977. Is this the correct ID number?"

"I, uh, don't know, exactly…" She blushed, feeling foolish.

"Did you send the message: _Dear Mario, I got this from the post office in this quaint, little town called Rogueport…"_

"Yes, yes, that's the one!" Princess Peach cried excitedly. "Are you saying that you can send messages to that Mailbox SP? The one I got for Mario?"

"That is correct. I will assume your recipient is _Mario_. What is your message?"

"Well, tell him… tell him…" The princess was so overwhelmed with joy that she couldn't really think of what to say. Then she said, "Oh! Please write this message down for me…"

,,,

"Hey, don't mess up, now, Matthew!" Goombella called.

Matthew ignored her as he tried to concentrate his aim on the pins down the aisle. He had only played bowling once or twice before, and this game was even trickier since the aisle zigzagged, requiring him to bounce the shell off the walls to make a strike. But as he wound up for the toss, there was a vibration in his pocket and a loud jingle, startling him. The shell overshot the walls of the aisle and went zooming off into the fields.

"Oops, sorry!" Matthew cried as the Koopas went charging after it. "I was distracted… what is that?" He reached into his pocket for the vibrating item and pulled it out.

"Whoa, hey, that's the Mailbox SP Professor Frankly gave to us," Goombella said, scuttling up next to him. "You got a message?"

Matthew popped the screen open and the vibration and jingling stopped. He looked at the screen for a moment and then he cried excitedly, "Hey, I think it's a message from Princess Peach!"

"R-really?" Koops stuttered. "What's it say?"

"Yeah, don't keep us hanging!" Goombella agreed.

So Matthew read the message out loud, "_Dear Mario, I hope this message finds you well. As you can expect, I have been captured again, but this time by a group calling themselves the X-nauts. I must warn you, they're not like Bowser. They're extremely dangerous. They want the map I sent to you and will stop at nothing to get it, so please be very careful. Don't worry about me. Their leader, Sir Grodus, is cruel, but he has specifically ordered me not to be harmed, so it appears I'm not in any immediate danger. I don't know where I am and I'm not allowed to tell you even if I did, but I have faith that you will find me. I look forward to seeing you soon. Love, Princess Peach._"

"Oh, that's awful!" Koops exclaimed when Matthew finished. "I can only imagine how scared I'd be if I was being held prisoner by a bunch of dangerous people like that."

"At least, they don't want her harmed," Goombella said. "So that's good news."

"Yeah," replied Matthew. "I wonder why?" He pondered this question.

Then Goombella spoke, "You should probably write back so that she knows we got the message. I'm sure it'll pick her spirits up. But don't tell her it's us. Let her think it's Mario."

"What?" both Koops and Matthew exclaimed. Then Matthew asked, "Why?"

Goombella explained, "Well, think about it! She's counting on Mario. It's what's giving her hope. If she found out that it's just a bunch of random strangers coming to her rescue, she might give in to despair!"

"But that's lying!" Matthew protested. "And lying's bad, even if it's for a good cause."

"Matthew," said Goombella in a patronizing tone, "if a girl asks you if her dress makes her look fat, would you tell her the truth?"

"Well, it would depend," Matthew replied.

"You don't have a girlfriend, do you?"

"So what if I don't? I'm still not going to lie to her."

"So then you're going to crush her spirits instead?"

"I'll just tell her how we beat a dragon! After all, if we can beat a dragon, we can handle those goons right?"

"You got beaten the last time you tried to take them on! And it wasn't even us who beat the dragon!"

"Um, guys?" Koops interrupted. "I think the princess might be waiting for you to write back."

"Here, give it to me," said Goombella and hopped for the Mailbox SP. Matthew snatched it out of reach at the last second. She snarled, "Give it to me, Matthew!"

"I'll just write it," said Matthew and began tapping out a message.

"Give it to me, you little twerp!" Goombella leaped onto his back, causing him to stagger.

"Hey!" he protested.

"Give it to me!"

"Get off of me!"

"Guys!" cried Koops.

…

Princess Peach sighed. "Oh, I hope he gets the message."

TEC answered, "The message has been sent. If he has the device, he should send a reply soon."

"Really?" said the princess in surprise. "How soon?"

"Within seconds," TEC replied.

"Oh my!" gasped Peach in astonishment. "That is fast!"

"But of course. Have you never exchanged electronic messages before?"

"I… well, no."

"That is unusual. According to the database I've collected on your species, this technology has been available for thirty-three years, and by my analysis, you aren't…" TEC paused with a whirr and a click. Then he spoke, "Incoming message."

Princess Peach excitedly placed her hands on the window. "Is it from Mario?"

There was a "ping" and then an envelope appeared on the window for a second. Then it blew up into a letter. "Oh!" the princess cried and quickly read the message.

_Dear Princess Peach,_

_We're glad to hear that you're okay. We do have some bad news though. Mario isn't with us and we don't know where he is. We've sent a message to try to reach him but haven't had any luck. Don't worry though, we're doing everything we can to get you back. Matthew has the map you sent to Mario—_

"Oh!" she cried in alarm.

"_Matthew has the map_," TEC repeated. "Sir Grodus will be pleased with this information."

"Please don't tell him!" Princess Peach pleaded. "He'll hurt him!"

"This information is necessary for Sir Grodus to achieve his aim," said TEC. "However, if Matthew surrenders the map, there is a 48.3% chance that he will be unharmed."

"Is… is that a good chance?"

"48.3 is less than half," TEC answered her. "However, refusing to yield the map will result in a 98.8% chance that he will be hurt or killed. Between the two, surrendering the map is the better option."

"Can I send another message to him?" the princess pleaded. "I don't want him to get hurt because of me."

There was a whirr and a click. Then TEC replied, "That is an excellent suggestion. Persuasion from a close companion can significantly expedite a desirable result. What is your message?"

…

"I sent the message. You two can s-stop fighting now," Koops said, waggling the Mailbox SP at them.

"So what'd you tell her?" Goombella asked, giving Matthew one last kick. She wound up kicking the bottom of his shoe, which dampened the force a bit, so it didn't hurt the young man much. "You didn't tell her we're not Mario, did you?"

Koops avoided eye contact with her. "Uh… I said…"

Goombella exploded, "YOU TOLD HER? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

Koops raised an arm defensively. "H-hey now! Wh-what I said was…" He was distracted when the Mailbox SP jingled. "Oh! The princess responded! I-I'll read it now…"

_Dear friends,_

_I'm terribly sorry that I got you mixed up in this. Please don't do anything reckless! I beg of you to take the map and surrender it to the X-nauts immediately before you are hurt or worse, and do not interfere with their designs…_

"Huh?" Koops paused in his reading. "That s-sounds a little…" He scratched the back of his head.

"Not like Princess Peach?" Matthew offered.

"Yeah, you're right," said Goombella. "That last bit didn't sound like the princess at all." Then she gasped, "Do you think someone's forcing her to write this?"

"I'd be willing to bet both of my curses on it," Matthew answered. He turned to their Koopa companion. "Hey, Koops. Write them back and let them know…"

…

"You changed my message!" Princess Peach snapped, stomping her foot in frustration.

"I edited it to achieve optimal results," TEC responded. "You wanted them to be safe, correct?"

"You turned it into a demand! Don't you know anything about compassion?"

There was a whirr and a click. Then TEC spoke, "Compassion: a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for one beset by misfortune, accompanied by a desire to alleviate the suffering." There was another whirr and a click and then he said, "There appears to be an error in context. Sympathy and sorrow are not tactile but states of being that are triggered by particular conditions, which can either expedite or hinder desired results."

"I'm not sure what you just said, but I think you're missing the point!" she cried. "How would you feel if someone made demands on you?"

TEC deadpanned, "I cannot feel. I am not equipped with sensors designed for tactile evaluation…" He paused suddenly and then said, "Incoming message."

"What?"

The message popped onto the window. It read: _Nice try, X-jerks. If you think we're just going to give you the map, then you've got another thing coming. We're not afraid of you and we're not going to rest until we take back Princess Peach._

_And Princess Peach, if you're reading this, don't worry. We've got a plan. Just hang in there until we find you._

_Your friends,_

_Koops, Goombella, and Matthew_

The princess was touched by this but still couldn't help worrying about them. TEC spoke, "It appears your message was unsuccessful in persuading them. Could it be that they do not realize that their chance of successfully rescuing you is 0.0001 percent?"

"I assume those chances are low?"

"Incredibly so. That is one in ten thousand chances."

"Oh dear," said the princess, biting her lip nervously.

TEC said, "I will report this information to Sir Grodus later…"

Princess Peach interrupted him, placing her hands together in a pleading gesture. "Oh, please, don't! You want me to tell you about us humans? Just don't tell your ruler that Matthew has the map."

TEC responded. "Your demand goes against my primary directive."

"It's not a demand! I'm begging you, please, don't do it!"

"You are saying that if I do not report this information to Sir Grodus then you will give me all the information regarding humans that you possess. You are also implying that if I do report this information then you will not give me your information, correct?"

"Yes! Yes! Please don't tell your leader and I will tell you anything you want to know!"

There was a whirr and a click, and then TEC responded, "It is likely that without this information, Sir Grodus will discover Matthew's possession of the map by other means, and complying with your begging will make attaining data on humans more likely. Therefore, the logical course is to comply."

The princess lowered her hands. "Are you saying… you won't tell?"

"Correct. I will withhold this information from Sir Grodus, and you will tell me everything you know about humans. Is this satisfactory?"

She gasped with relief. "Oh, yes! Thank you! Thank you! But please, can we do this another time? This has been a rather exhausting day, and I feel tired."

There was a whirr and a click. Then TEC said, "Humans that are tired experience an impairment of their functions, including memory, which can be rectified by entering a period of inactivity known as sleep. I must have you at optimal condition to accurately update my database; therefore, I will wait until you have completed your sleep cycle." The door slid open, inviting the princess back to her cell.

"Oh, thank you, TEC," she said and then yawned. "Thank you for everything. I promise, when I'm rested, I'll tell you what I know."

"Sleep well, my human subject. I anticipate updating my files."

The princess glanced back. "Your human subject?" she said with as much indignation as her exhaustion allowed. "I have a name, you know."

Said TEC, "What is that name?"

She answered, "It's Peach. Princess Peach."

"Then that is what I will call you… Princess Peach. Sleep well."

She yawned, "Good night, TEC."

She left the room. The doors hissed closed behind her. Then data began flashing on the screens as TEC searched through his databases for information related to the terms, "Good night", "please", and "thank you." He wanted to be well prepared when Princess Peach returned to update his database on the habits and customs of humans.


	12. Bowser's Conquest

**Chapter 12: Bowser's Conquest**

While the Princess herself didn't know where she was being held captive, it was a relief for them all to know that she wasn't in any immediate danger. And they all had the hope that Mario would eventually get the message of her capture and come over the sea with a heroic cry of "Here we go!" to trounce the evil X-nauts and rescue her as he had done countless times before.

Little did any of the hopeful heroes know how futile that hope was. Following the journey of the letter that Professor Frankly did remember to send (with a disguised X-naut hot on its heels), it ended in a mailbox stuffed with three days' worth of postcards, fan mail, and bills, making it apparent that the Mario brothers had not been home for a while now. Something that the old Magikoopa, Kammy, took gleeful note of while hovering on her broom in the branches of a tree.

"Well, well, well," she snickered to herself. "It seems that the cats are away. Which means it's time for Lord Bowser's army to play." With that, she sped off to the castle to report to her heinous lordship.

…

"Give me a hundred more! I want to see some CRYING!" roared Lord Bowser.

There was plenty of grimacing in the Hammer Corps – some grunting and whimpering, too - as they performed their commanded crunches (which most Koopas found _impossible _to do). But there was only one who had been foolish enough to give a sob of despair and he was sitting in the belly of one of the Blarggs in the lava moat surrounding the castle. It would be several days and two tons of soap before he'd be breathing fresh air again. Still, there was only so much a Koopa could take before he broke and became 100 points tallied to the cosmic total.

They were all spared this demise when Bowser's right-hand Magikoopa announced herself in dramatic fashion by crashing through the window.

Bowser was on her in an instant. "HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU! THE WINDOWS ARE NOT YOUR PERSONAL WARP PIPES!" he bellowed, jabbing a claw at the glittering debris.

"Oh, nevermind the windows, that's what you've got the grunts for," Kammy told him with a dismissive wave of her wand. "And I have some news that I'm sure is worth a thousand broken windows."

"And if it's not?" asked Bowser, crossing his arms over his chest and glowering menacingly.

Kammy gulped and then answered, "Rest assured, Your Grouchiness, it's the best possible news you could ever hope for... well, close to it, anyways."

"Hmph! Well, then," said the monstrous King of the Koopas, "let's hear it."

"Yes, thank you, my lord," she said with a bow. She announced, "It is with great pleasure that I report to you that Mario and his brother have not been sighted in the kingdom for some time. Their mailbox is stuffed full of unread letters and their windows are all dark and have been so for several days."

She grinned up at her ferocious Lord. He raised an eyebrow and tapped his claw against his arm. "And this means _what _to me?"

Kammy became flustered when she realized that Lord Bowser didn't get it. Now she would have to explain it to him without making him seem foolish and that was about as tricky as navigating one of his booby-trapped hallways. "Well, they're gone, my lord."

"And...?"

_Could Lord Bowser have gone into the Poison Shrooms again? s_he wondered. "And, well, milord, with them gone, they wouldn't be able to stop you should you decide to, you know, take Princess Peach into our happy, little family..."

She waited for the message to sink in. Watching his face closely, she noticed that the effects of the message weren't working in the way she was expecting. Rather than looking pleased, His Nastiness was turning a dangerous color and his scowl was becoming more pronounced.

"So what you're saying is," he said, his voice a trickle in a dam that was about to burst, "that I need Mario and his pathetic, little brother gone before I can take Princess Peach. You're saying that I can't possibly win unless those two are out of the picture! You're saying that I'm weaker than those chunky, little plumbers! YOU'RE SAYING I'M A COWARD! A LOSER! A FLOORMAT WHO BOWS TO THE BROTHERS EVERY TIME THEY NEED TO WIPE THEIR FEET!"

"N-no, Your Foulness! That's not what I'm saying at all! Oh, please, have mercy on your pathetic servant, oh Great and Terrible Bowser!" she wailed, shielding herself with her broom.

"Let me tell you something," he growled, jabbing his claw at her. "ALL OF YOU! I could crush those brothers anytime I want to. I could flatten the entire Mushroom Kingdom without breaking a sweat. The only reason I don't is because I'm not just some jerk who pushes people around to get his way. I have _principles_! My father always said to pick your battles, and if that bully, Mario, decides to push it, then I'll step back and let him have it.

"And if ANYONE suggests that I HAVE to cheat to win..." he roared, wheeling on his lackeys, who all turned their heads to avoid eye contact with him, "I will personally haul their sorry shells to Water Land and feed them to the giant Blooper!" He glared at each of them, daring them to suggest it. Then he burst, "I WANT A _THOUSAND _CRUNCHES!"

His platoon just managed to refrain from groaning. They quietly counted them out, "One... two... three..."

At crunch thirty-seven, Bowser said suddenly, "But wait! If the brothers are gone then that means they left the Princess vulnerable. They abandoned their posts, exposing her to danger! It would serve them right for her to be kidnapped while they were shirking their responsibility, but why should she suffer due to their neglect? Somebody has to protect her, and if Mario won't do it then that means it's up to us. I can't let a little bad blood stop me from doing my duty..."

His platoon were all watching him now, those thousand crunches forgotten. Kammy dared to take a peek from beneath her broom.

Bowser suddenly clapped his hands decisively. "Men!" he barked, "Ready the airships for deployment! Princess Peach is now our custody!"

His platoon all leaped to their feet, raised their fists and cheered. Then they all scattered to ready the airships for invasion number nine.

...

A dozen booms thudded against the big blue canvas that was the sky in an attempt to rip through but with no success. Meeting with more satisfying results were the cannonballs from which the booms had originated, like oversized hailstones crashing into the earth, tearing up green grass, multicolored flagstones, and Tayce T.'s eatery (Tayce T. herself was at a regional cookoff, fortunately). Toads ran screaming in every direction except toward the castle as they all knew fully well what the invader's target was. From the castle ramparts on the south side, the Toad Brigade watched the incoming fleet with dread.

Captain Anxia T. barked his orders, "Load the anti-aircraft artillery and await my command!" He was unsuccessful in hiding the tremor in his voice.

The Brigade carried out his orders and soon from a dozen different murder holes, the mouths of Bill Blasters emerged, ready to fire.

"Lord Bowser!" cried his lieutenant, "They have anti-air artillery!"

"Ready the countermeasures and fire when ready!"

His platoon carried out his orders and soon from a dozen different portholes, the mouths of Bill Blasters emerged, ready to fire.

"Fire!" screamed Captain Anxia T.

Like a very loud drumroll, Bullet Bills blasted from the murder holes and arced toward the fleet. In another drumroll, Bullet Bills blasted from the fleet and dipped to intercept the incoming fire. Moments later, the air rippled from the force of a dozen blasts that lit up the sky like fireworks.

The Brigade howled in terror. Not only had Bowser's fleet managed to stop their attack, they had enough Bullet Bills left over to target their Bill Blasters, and even as Captain Anxia T. screamed, "Fire again! Fire again!" the Bullet Bills crashed into their Bill Blasters and sent the whole artillery up in smoke.

The pathetic defenses of the Toad Brigade surmounted, Bowser's fleet sailed in without further resistance, coming to a stop in front of the ruined facade of the castle. Up on the deck of the lead airship, his Koopa Troopas unrolled a rope ladder for Lord Bowser to climb down, but he ignored it, leaping off the ship and landing on the flagstones with an almighty crash that sent up chips of stone like reverse hailstones. Then, like an unstoppable juggernaut, Bowser proceeded into the castle, kicking down doors and scattering Toads who still had the moxie to stand in his way with puny little spears thrust in front of them. Kammy flew in behind him.

He reached the throne room where Princess Peach usually cowered behind her retinue of Toad bodyguards. It wasn't Princess Peach, this time, but some old Toad in official-looking robes.

He stammered, "A-as regent of th-the Mushroom K-Kingdom, I c-command you to cease your as-assault and depart at o-once!" His retinue thrust their spears in a futile attempt to intimidate the Koopa King.

Bowser raised a red eyebrow. "You're regent? As in, you're filling in for her?"

"I-I will not rep-p-peat myself! Leave now, I command you!"

Bowser plucked the regent by his cap and held him up to his face. The regent trembled violently under the red-eyed stare and tried not to imagine the wavering breath coming out of the monster's mouth turning into red hot flames and sauteing him.

Bowser snorted and then growled, "Listen, bub, I don't take orders from puny little toadstools - or anyone else. I'm here to take Princess Peach, so you'd better tell me where she is before I turn you into a steamed vegetable!"

The regent whimpered but remained resolutely silent. He curled in on himself, waiting for the punishment to come.

"I'm going to count to three," growled the Koopa King, holding up three fingers. He counted, "One... two... thr..."

"She's on vacation!" howled one of the retainers. Bowser glanced down at him and sneered.

"Isle Delfino! That's where she went! Please don't hurt us!"

Kammy Koopa leveled her wand at the Toad. "You'd better not be lying to us, or else my little wand here might just turn you into a Fuzzy!"

"It's the truth, I swear!"

"Hmm..." Kammy studied each of the trembling Toads. "It doesn't seem like he's lying, but we'd better search the castle just to be certain."

"You search the castle," snarled Bowser. He dropped the regent and then wheeled around and began stomping back toward his ship. "I'm going to Isle Delfino and taking back my princess."

"L-Lord Bowser, wait!" Kammy scurried after him. "Don't leave me behind!"

As soon as they were gone, the Toads turned on the informant with accusatory stares. "Way to go, traitor. Now her vacation's ruined... again."

The informant whimpered pitifully.


End file.
